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Tag: Boko Haram

The noble efforts to give almajiris a bright future

Even if they see a ray of hope or interest in something as Haram as Makarantan Boko, a thunder of “infidel” and soothing lashes of loving whips will never touch their backs. What do you need western education for? Without it, the commissioner rose to the top. He loitered the street, begged for money from passersby, almost got ran over by cars daily, ate crumbs from the plate of strangers and, when it was time, he was handpicked from the street and was sworn in as a commissioner the next day. You don’t have to strive; striving is rebellion.

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May Nigeria never happen to you

Wait for it: If Nigeria should happen to you, your father would keep visiting the United States of America for the slightest headache, but he will emphasise that irrespective of how ill you are you must not go beyond the United States of Abule-Egba in the search for a cure to your ailment — in order to save some token for national development and increase the rate of underdevelopment in the country.

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Twitter war: The best way Nigerians showcase their supremacy

With the advancement and subsequent domination of Nigeria on Twitter, the nation will welcome tremendous uplift and huge productivity, and her 98 million poverty-stricken citizens will be alleviated. Who still says Nigerians are not intellectuals? Let such have a taste of their defeat on Twitter. Nonsense!

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There is a war coming, but not to worry…

There is a war coming, and it’s filled with lots of jokes; comedian number one⸺Miyetti Allah. Let’s start with what’s not funny, Miyetti Allah getting pissed. You don’t want a pissed Miyetti on your hands, nahhh. When Miyetti gets pissed, monkeys get socked in blood and we don’t want that either, especially seeing as our monkey’s hate the sight of blood. We must do everything to keep Miyetti Allah happy, even if it means giving out our ancestral lands. After all, Fulanis own all the land in Nigeria; they just leased some out to our forefathers. You didn’t know? Then your ancestors are the ones at fault for not giving you the memo.

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Why government should ban Big Brother Naija

I think MURIC (Muslim Rights Concern) has a point in saying Big Brother Naija should be banned. This is an issue of national emergency if you ask me. BBNaija is not only distracting us from tackling Fulani herdsmen and corruption in Nigeria; it also infringes on the religious right of some peace-loving Muslims.


A Modest Proposal—on Ruga, Buhari’s overdue foreign travel, and other matters

Lastly, Senator Ademola Adeleke — the legendary dancing senator — has lost his election petition case at the apex court. Too bad. In spite of the many shreds of evidence informing the court of the ruling party’s unwholesome activities in the Osun election, Adeleke lost. The presiding judge premised verdict on ‘legal technicality’, a term that has since thrown the literate and the unlettered among Nigerians into the puddle of befuddlement.

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SARS most feared phenomenon in Nigeria after Boko Haram, says UN agency

Meanwhile, the report also disclosed that the third most fearsome phenomenon to Nigerians is visa denial. Equally on the list were herdsmen, traffic congestion, underpants disappearance, queues (especially for elections), food insufficiency at parties, good leadership, and flat mobile phone batteries.

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Nigerians can be funny. Rather than rejoice and applaud the gallant stride of the Buhari-led administration for delivering the Dapchi schoolgirls from Boko Haram, they choose to use their suspicious nose to sniff conspiracies. As if that is not enough some even claimed – note, without any evidence than suspicion…