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Exclusive: The true story of how greedy capitalists killed Jesus because “he was bad for business” 

Pontius Teenubew’s small frame competes with the dust he is gathering as he completes his passionate address to the Council of the Rich, “I can’t sell wine easily, because nobody wants my wine when Jesus can turn water to wine. Mazi Jonathan can’t sell his fishes, because this Jesus can multiply them. Look at Healer Adamu, nobody wants to see him when they can wait for Jesus. If we don’t end Jesus now, he will end us!!!”

From Our Allies

How to live in Africa as an African 

Copycatting is an endemic feature of an African who lives in Africa. And when you engage yourself with this African style of inauthenticity, let it be the western style that you will copy. Forget the west humiliated us with colonialism and some of them said “Africans cannot think” and forget that that means we don’t have our own pre-existing ways of doing things before they discovered Africa.

From Our Allies

How to think of Africa and Africans 

As an African, if you don’t know already, the benchmark of global standards should always be the west. Looking for just and fair democracies? The west has it (never mind cracks in their institutions and racial segregations). Thinking of ways of how the world should progress in the areas of science, arts and technology? The west is the best bet (hey, shut that thought that African cultures, sciences and traditions are equally viable).

From Our Allies

Being a Nigerian house agent—in six simple codes 

You must be able to convince your clients on why they must pay an inspection fee before you take them to a house – whether they would like it or not. If the rooms of the house are small, magnify them with your mouth. Tell them the rooms will get bigger as they live in it. If the toilets or bathroom is like a cubicle, tell them that’s the trend and, if it was any bigger, they might mistake it for a room.