By: Jairus Awo
In a world filled with astounding tales of brilliance and absurdity, leave it to our beloved Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB) to come up with yet another mind-boggling debacle.
Brace yourselves, dear readers, for we are about to embark on a journey into the heart of an institution so notorious and farcical it would make even the most imaginative of fiction writers blush with envy.
Picture this: an institution responsible for conducting admission exams—a gateway to higher education for eager young minds—gripped by a scandal that has drained it of every ounce of public trust it once held.
Enter a 19-year-old aspiring student, accused of forging her own scores—a crime so audacious, it could make an airport thriller novelist blush.
Our delightful JAMB, not one to shy away from eccentricity, claims that it has uncovered this student’s deceptive act.
It gleefully proclaims, “Behold, dear citizens! We have caught the mastermind behind the forged 362 scores!” But wait dear readers, the plot thickens.
While JAMB vilifies our poor teenage protagonist, accusing her of parading falsified results, the girl herself presents a mysterious and intriguing piece of evidence—an alleged result format sent down from the heavens of academic bureaucracy.
Ah, well, who are we to argue with the celestial powers of bureaucracy? It’s almost as if Apollo himself took a break from the pantheon to sign those documents digitally.
Now, let us pause for a moment and reflect on the institution’s colourful history.
Remember the time they claimed a snake casually slithered into their offices and devoured a hefty sum of ₦36 million?
Oh, the audacity!
One can’t help but wonder: did the serpent have a penchant for intricate paperwork too? Did it gnaw away at precious results, only to regurgitate them later in a gloriously twisted fashion?
Dear readers, our imaginations run wild.
As we explore the ins and outs of this tale, it becomes apparent that the institution itself seems to have a delightful flair for theatre.
Picture this: a grand stage, adorned with gaudy drapes, as bored government officials shuffle around mumbling incomprehensible jargon.
Oh, the drama! The intrigue! It’s Oscar-worthy, I tell you.
But fear not, dear citizens, for amidst the chaos, satire comes to our rescue.
With our tongues firmly in our cheeks, let us relish in the irony of an institution, plagued with so many incredulous tales, accusing a student of deception.
It’s like a pot calling a kettle black, or a tax collector accusing someone of greed—it tickles the funny bone, indeed.
While we chuckle at this carnival of absurdity, let us not forget the essence of this tale: a systemic failure, a loss of public trust, and the unfortunate repercussions faced by a young soul caught in its web.
It’s a scathing critique of an institution entrusted with shaping the future, while it tramples upon the dreams of those it is meant to uplift.
So, dear readers, as we put our pens down and bid adieu to this satirical journey, let us not merely laugh, but reflect.
The untrustworthy institution of #JAMB is not merely a punchline—it is a call for reform.
For in a world where snakes swallow millions and bureaucratic enigmas masquerade as results, we must demand transparency, accountability, and a dash of common sense.
And remember, dear citizens, as we navigate these tumultuous waters of education, sometimes satire is our most powerful weapon against the follies of the absurd.
So, let us wield it with grace, wit, and an unwavering dedication to truth and justice—without letting the snakes slither away with our faith.