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PoliticsThe Rogue Lawyer

​​On your mandate, we shall queue!

​​On your mandate, we shall queue!

Newly crowned Nigerian King, Bulaba Balablue, started his administration on a powerful note by declaring an end to fuel subsidy, a malaise that had hitherto kept Nigerians from unleashing their full potential and living their lives to the fullest. 

Immediately after his announcement, ostentatious and luxury-loving Nigerians took to the streets in jubilation as they now had a King who hearkened to their voices. What Bubu could not do, under two seconds, Balablue had done. The people hailed him as Idan, because nothing dey wey Idan no fit do.

Petrol, which was drilled in their backyards, was now a premium product, another benchmark of wealth against which they could measure their flaccid members. 

Members of Balablue’s inner caucus were most jubilant as a special petrol price was announced specifically for them. 

In a press statement released in the aftermath of Balablue’s declaration, instead of the benchmarked price of N488 in Balablue’s home state, members of Balablue’s inner caucus could access the product at N164 if they had their membership cap on. If they added their polo or Ankara to the mix, they’d have the privilege of accessing it at N105. Members holding and waving their broom, the symbol of their ‘caucus-ship’, in addition to all of the above, would access the product at N65. 

It was further rumoured that citizens who offered the secret emi l’okan salute or handshake at fuelling stations would be given agbado to step down their blood pressure whilst making their various purchases – a clear indication of Balablue’s love for his subjects. 

In the midst of these jubilant exultations are the naysayers who have expressed intense displeasure with Balablue’s giant strides. These group of dissidents have been running their mouths on Obasanjo’s internet, telling all who will listen to their diatribe that they’d rather remain in the hold of Sapa, trekking to their destinations and harvesting the yams from their legs than partake in what they have began calling “Bulablue’s poisoned chalice.” 

These dissident voices are, however, drowned out as the people in their ecstasy sing in praise and support of Balablue:

On your mandate, we shall queue x2

On your mandate… x2

On your mandate, we shall queue… (Till fade)

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I am the Iconoclast, the first rebel, the first revolutionary.

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