… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
The platform had earlier announced the winners of the prize, which was judged by Elnathan John, a Germany-based Nigerian author of satirical blockbuster, Be(com)ing Nigerian; and Chuma Nwokolo, a lawyer, publisher and author who wrote, among others, The Ghost of Sani Abacha.
When a paintball bullet hit me, I forgot for about 76 seconds, how to feel anything. My arm went limp, and my gun dropped. Theatrically, gravity failed me, and my body followed. I was moving between two defence points when the bullet hit me. At that moment, I understood why the girl I emptied a magazine on kept on screaming after every shot hit her. You do not get used to this pain; you become helpless in the face of it. Avoid this pain by staying unborn.
Nigerian politics is a race into the banquet hall. In there, the biggest attraction is the much storied national cake. One’s ability to loot it well and in a clever manner is considered first before such strengths as: the Nigerian god one’s credo professes belief in, the Nigerian ethnicity that your tribal marks associates you with, the political party in whose jersey you are vying for a slot into the banquet hall and the dog-father cheering you in the dog-race to the banquet hall.
According to insider reports, the CCTV cameras suddenly stopped working at 8 pm in observance of the curfew imposed by the government. He said, “Our cameras at the Lekki toll gate have a high sense of moral duty which includes obeying the laws of the land. It is not unprecedented that the cameras refused to work on the night of the curfew. How do you truly give your all for a country if you don’t obey all her rules?”
The good people of Jos were amazing and kind people, they only took the palliatives and left the land. The state of harmony was almost disharmonised, actually the devil should be blamed. After the discovery of their own palliatives ware-house, Lucifer took the complexion of a shopping mall and other companies. He completely seduced the innocent people.
From setting up a committee to blaming the victim for being reckless, Nigerians have predicted with hilariously sorrowful accuracy how their government would likely react to one of the country’s citizens getting abducted by criminals in a foreign country, say Libya.
“I have traveled around the world before settling in Nigeria because the people here are very pleasant. When I came, I had no influence, no wealth and no children, but now, I have many wives across the country. The book is about my time in Nigeria, and it is a very special tribute.”
Day 12: Embassy hasn’t done anything so family comes on Twitter to tweet that Nigerian is missing and embassy isn’t helping.
The general, while addressing Pressmen on Sunday, described the SEAL Team Six operation as a sheer wanton wastage of US tax payers’ resources and has since called on the armed forces of other countries to equally condemn their action.
Our dearest Mini Star cum secret agent has released a special diary of events leading up to his finding of a secret video recorder in the now infamous Lekki Toll Gate.
