… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
The T.A. Report by Tubosun Ajanaku is a lampoon, a pastiche of news and satire. It is modelled after The Andy Borowitz Report of the New Yorker.
Though the rising level of infrastructural development or seeming development is a national phenomenon, The T.A. Report gathers that Lagos State is an exception. It is reported that capital-intensive projects in the Centre of Excellence currently suffer unusual neglect as the governor, Akinwunmi Ambode, has abandoned office for a more pragmatic role of “APC campaign rally strategist and bench-warmer”.
“We would normally expect that it takes decades before this record is broken in another political campaign. But, with the level of passionate competitiveness observable in Nigeria’s politics, we suppose anything really is possible. Giant squirrels, chickens, trees, and so on, we never can tell.”
The senior official, who pleaded for his identity not to be disclosed for fear of “being fed to the EFCC like Babachir for political gains”, said the official explanation that they came to understudy President Muhammadu Buhari’s style was mere damage control.
“So we urge members of ASUU to be patient with us; and also our l-l-aa- …., sorry, hardworking youth. If we still have enough money left in the treasury after the campaigns, we will definitely give priority to the schools.”
“Any law that is in force has to first be reviewed and signed by the president. That’s how it works; and the National Assembly has yet to transmit this so-called 1999 Constitution. For now, Mr President is applying the set of laws he used as head of state in the 1980s, at least pending the time the lawmakers send an update,” the A.G. added.
“My guess is that it has to do with General Buhari’s latest move, removing Walter Onnoghen as the Chief Justice of Nigeria and replacing him with Tanko. Baba would have been high on envy, considering that, with all his powers as a military head of state back then, the judiciary was still largely independent.”
President Muhammadu Buhari has overtaken Vladmir Putin of Russia and Yoweri Museveni of Uganda to become the head of state with the highest level of integrity in the world, according to a recent report.
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