… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
The T.A. Report by Tubosun Ajanaku is a lampoon, a pastiche of news and satire. It is modelled after The Andy Borowitz Report of the New Yorker.
“Such an office is important to ensure that subsequent appointments are made with the people’s needs and demands in mind. We should be considerate. Instead of appointing thousands of aides, for example, the president could have hundreds. We all know the problems bedevilling this country are too many to be handled by a few people.”
The regional bloc, CEDEAO, is afraid the dark days of military rule from the 1960s will return, where soldiers would seize their source of income and refuse to let go after realising how profitable and intoxicating power can be in Africa. But Nijeyrians do not mind having khaki-wearing commandos formulate and implement policies. After all, they have had several decades of democracy but are still one of the world’s poorest countries — taking some of the stench away from Naijiriya.
Nigeria’s tear-rubber president, Baller Ahmeth Tininbu, known fondly as BAT, says he stands by his statement regarding the right of poor people to inhale oxygen into their lungs, but now adds that this should not be misinterpreted to mean the air would be subsidised.
Commercial motorcyclists are notorious for driving without regard for their life. Well, it is because they have so many they can afford to be reckless, a new study now tells us.
Sirikka has been accused of spending N85.4 billion on an elusive national carrier he called Nigeria Air. He first unveiled the project in 2018 at an air show in London, promising that the skies would be full of Nigeria’s commercial planes by the end of the year. When the ovation faded out, though, all that was left was silence, dust, and a nice expensive logo — designed by some folks in Bahrain.
The government of Nigeria has shocked the rest of the world by employing professional architects and photographers in the hopes of finally nailing the problem of food insecurity.
What’s more, he continued, all you need to be elected into office is some tangible business or political capital, a secondary school leaving certificate (genuine or not), and to have been born at least 35 years prior to the time of election (a fact which anyone hardly bothers to confirm).
The guest/inmates list for a VIP section in the hottest part of Hellfire has recently been updated, making it the exclusive reserve of people who deny that extrajudicial killings happened on October 20, 2020, during the End SARS demonstration.
Nigeria’s highest-paid civil servant, Mohd Boo-Harry alias Bad Boy alias Kilokanmi (What is My Business?) alias E Choke (?), has again dipped hands into his employers’ purse for a “medical check-up” in London even after being handsomely paid to upgrade the country’s health facilities.
“Think about it for a moment,” said the country’s defence minister Babachir Magaji during a press briefing on Monday. “We have to be prepared. Getting kidnapped is not a matter of ‘if’ anymore, it is about ‘when’. And it is not something that affects just one social class or ethnic group. Everybody is eating the breakfast.”
