From Our Allies

In defence of Sai Baba 

For a 77-year-old man who had risked his life to partake in three major military coups; led the country as Head of State; ditched the khaki for the civilian garb; ran for Presidency three consecutive times before his triumph at the fourth attempt, this is undeserving. It is undeniable that the tall and suave Sai Baba is truly committed to Nigeria’s development. Come on, he could have retired to stay home and play with his grandkids but he didn’t, because of his undying love for the country.

Anjy's Satirical Animals

Designer puppy 

“A very good morning to the esteemed and important citizens of Zootopia. The next story from the entertainment world had me choking on my coffee this morning. Word from the streets of the zoo has it that a very popular puppy from Zootopia’s commercial capital just got a new million-dollar mansion. This puppy is known for his Gucci puppy collars and chains. His extravagant lifestyle, and expensive outfits have made him the role model of many other animals even though his source of income remains unknown.”

Anjy's Satirical Animals

The Antericans 

“Where are these fucking men in ghost-white lab coats?” the king’s TV presenter voice boomed, disturbing the specialists working hard to find the cure to a novel virus. The king wasn’t smart, but he was the king anyway, so they left their work, and formed a semi-circle in front of him. “Took you long enough,” he said in that voice that hurt the ear.

Lamentations of an Egbere

Egbon Aruleba, how dare you insinuate Nigeria is a Marlian Republic? 

In the aftermath of the small matter of Naira Marley’s flight from Lagos to Abuja and back, from the depth of oblivion you appeared on our airwaves to attack a gentleman who doubles as a president and a role model to many progressive and patriotic Nigerians. That was not just it. You went on to make the absurd insinuation that there may be elements of the Marlian World Oder (MWO) movement in the esteemed Buhari government.

From Our Allies

Becoming a campus journalist in Nigeria: A satirical guide 

Like the strong-willed patriotic Nigerian that you are, you do not want to lose out on all. You look for ways to impact on campus and thicken your skillset and your professional experience. You have got to thicken your CV for recruiters and employers who require a five-year experience for the job you hope to apply for as a fresh graduate. Trust me, I come with the perfect panacea: be a campus journalist and shoot into limelight.

From Our Allies

May Nigeria not happen to you 

The bullion vans that entered a private bank on Bourdillon Street, your anti-graft agency is yet to probe. Your House of Assembly speaker has about 64 bank accounts, he is yet to be duly prosecuted too. But if the police find more than three ATM cards in your wallet, you are declared a yahoo boy and your trial starts immediately.

Lamentations of an Egbere

The road’s prayer: A Nigerian road’s supplicative commentary on the Paternoster 

Every year, billions of money that the can break the jaw of a counter are allocated for my manicure and pedicure in the budget. Those monies are always too blind to locate me. The only place they know is the coffers of the same old corrupt politicians. The little that manages to locate me is usually shared with contractors who are always keen on having the lion’s share. Hence, my dreadful state!