Atiku applies to US for Nigerian birth certificate
Alabere Williams, a US-based Nigerian neurosurgeon, explained that the behavioural patterns of Atiku are suggestive of a condition known as paranoid schizophrenia. “The man seems to see the United States as some sort of father or god figure whom he runs to whenever he’s in trouble, and the delusion is getting worse by the day,” he said with a concerned look.
REVIEW: A peep at Elnathan John’s witty takes on Be(com)ing Nigeria
This body of work is well-constructed if it were to be compared to a lego house, it is relevant (not least due to Nigeria’s heated political climate), and it is proof that Satire is by no means a dead art form in these parts.
‘Underage voting is not new, and certainly not wrong!’
In Nigeria, only persons above the age of 18 are eligible to vote in an election. Therefore, anyone below 18 is regarded as underaged and consequently ineligible. However, while explaining…
PROGNOSIS: 10 things to look out for 10 years from now given the rise of small parties in Nigeria
Needless to say, one of the biggest beneficiaries of the boom era of smaller parties will be designers, logo makers especially. Apparently, asides the name, the other most important thing about a party is its logo. The lines. The colours. The choice of emblems and animals. Ah-mean, when it comes to content development, no one really gives one hoot about aim and objectives, mission and vision, ideologies, constitution, and that useless one they call manifesto. Graphic designers should therefore get ready for a career make-over that’ll financially elevate them above university professors and possibly even medical doctors.
‘How do we survive for four years if we don’t sell our votes?!’
“Take for instance, the last time we had an election. My family was given two bags full of Kuli Kuli and Garri to Vote for Party A. On the election day, party B offered us a cylinder full of groundnut and some bags of Garri. That is what we have been eating for the past 4 years. And it only finished just yesterday, this yesterday”.
Nigeria’s potholes experience calculated massacre as election season approaches
Though the rising level of infrastructural development or seeming development is a national phenomenon, The T.A. Report gathers that Lagos State is an exception. It is reported that capital-intensive projects in the Centre of Excellence currently suffer unusual neglect as the governor, Akinwunmi Ambode, has abandoned office for a more pragmatic role of “APC campaign rally strategist and bench-warmer”.
Why campaign rallies are the best thing after Agege bread
There is nothing the pot-bellied politician would not do to convince the commoner that he is part of the everyday realities. He would sing all kinds of songs, speak all kinds of tongues, pray in the name of all kinds of gods, and dance, in a most awkward manner, all kinds of moves — especially the latest in town. All this time, we the people, the spectators on these days and all others, get freely entertained.
How not to win elections in Nigeria—for dummies
Compressed into this short listicle is over twenty years of research conducted by experts in various fields. By Jove, losing an election has never been this easy — but please be warned that the principles presented here are not universally applicable. They have only been tested and trusted as far as politics in Nigeria is concerned, and analysts predict that they will remain valid for at least another dozen years.
Certificate forgery is test of ‘a true Nigerian politician’ — says Information Minister
ABUJA (The T.A. Report) ― Most Nigerians seem not to get it, Information Minister Alhaji Lai Mohammed has said, that the ability to forge a certificate is the hallmark of “a…
A conversation with my mechanic who wants to be president │Reuben Abati
This is an extract from a longer piece published by The Cable and titled, “2019: Nigeria’s Emerging Political Leaders“. Reuben Abati is a columnist and former Special Adviser on Media and…