where sa-tyres never go flat
where sa-tyres never go flat
The combination of a few thousand nairas, some derica of local rice, and El-Rufus’s touching apology for his blood-sucking political ally, a new poll revealed, has significantly swayed the electorate in favour of Bail-Low.
“I see nothing bad in damaging banners so far it’s not the school’s properties,” he said. “The aspirants should feel free to do what they like, but what they don’t know is that the results of the elections are ready. So they would only be foolish to keep antagonising themselves. Our preferred candidate for President is from Law.”
Nigerians’ great respect for time is shown in their creation of another form of time that best suits their demands, known as the “African time.” So when a Nigerian fixes time for some important event, don’t be surprised when the event starts at the allocated time, the next day. That’s among the wonders of the African Time.
“Let me state clearly without any equivocation that anyone of you who engages in corrupt practices will be thrown out of office. There can’t be two kings in a kingdom. I have made frantic efforts to reach the zenith in corrupt and shady dealings; particularly, in pocketing dollars. Therefore, I urge you all to accord me the exclusive right as the Sarkin Dollars of Nigeria,” he said.
Fake news on social media is an idiot. It is responsible for the hunger in the land, the slow growth rate of our economy, the increase in impoverished people, the poor power sector, the constant diminishing of our educational standards, and the mammoth crowd of Nigerians seeking to run out of the country. We’ve even closed our borders to avoid entrance of foreign fake news.
Collins Dictionary, for instance, defines a road as “a long piece of hard ground which is built between two places so that people can drive or ride easily from one place to the other”. That’s correct you know—but only as long as you don’t import that understanding to Nigeria. Things are much different here… So different we’d need the entire dictionary rewritten to suit our realities. Here, a road would be more appropriately defined as “a warzone where potholes are mines, shock absorbers are shields, curses are bullets—and from which every soldier returns home a casualty”.
Some say the it was forged by an ancient sorcerer out of the last remnants of icing on ‘Geria’s national cake at the point where River Niger meets River Benue. Others say it was birthed after a rare intercourse between a Marlian and a Tacha Stan. But regardless of what version is true, ‘Nobody Holy’ made its way to the hearts and tongue of all ‘Gerians, old and young, male and female, and everyone in-between. And that was when things started to fall apart.
Hope it didn’t move your office from CMS to V.I? If you don’t know, please confirm before you head out to work. In these times, we have to sympathise with Lagos people. One governor was removed because he didn’t carry people along in line with the master’s masterplan. Thank God, flood will carry everyone along now. Or should we say Lagosians got what they deserve? –— a man of the people.
Diary, did you know it’s treason to yarb Mr President too? Mr Sowore’s mosquito has landed on PMB’s scrotum — he is the latest victim. But who is a treasonable felon? The person who toppled Shagari’s civilian govt. through a military coup or the one who complained of the decadence in the system?
There are some silly countries, such as Canada, that have created online forms and helplines just for people to complain about potholes. Every year, the city of Toronto alone spends millions of dollars repairing hundreds of thousands of potholes and then—wait for it—also gives progress reports to the people about how many potholes they’ve massacred. Who does that? Aren’t they aware that potholes are citizens with fundamental human rights? Don’t they know they are a necessary evil that deserve to be treated with love, care, and respect?
