Rumour has it that the You-High management, in a closed-door meeting, has agreed to support one of the Students’ Union presidential candidates. In the fact-checking process, the press had an interview with the Vice-Chancellor, Professor Ebel Eduwu, on the veracity of the claims.

“Well, that’s true, and it is no rumour,” he replied matter-of-factly.

“At the sin-ate meeting yesterday, we all agreed to support one of the presidential candidates which I am sure you know.

“This was done to prevent any form of kangaroo leaders especially those beardless boys who plan to make the last years of my tenure a very difficult one.”

When he was asked whether he considered this move democratic, he said there is nothing like democracy in Nigeria and that the best leaders are appointed by society’s jagabans rather than elected.

“You see everywhere leaders are appointed, not elected so they can be titular. Take Nigeria as an example, President Boo-Hary is appointed by his uncle, that’s just democracy—if you will call it so.”

Professor Edewu, a converted democrat, further asserted that the SU presidential candidate was chosen because he is in Law and also has fulfilled the electoral requirements. He, however, disclosed some confidential information as to why the Law candidate was picked, while begging the Press not to reveal it to the public.

“This candidate was endorsed because he won’t wage war against me,” he said. “He won’t ask where the money collected from all students as SUG fees is even when there was a proscription of the Union for two years.

“He won’t ask why the students still pay for ID cards when they are given a single ID card that lasts till they graduate. He won’t ask any funny questions that will bring the EFFC to come to probe me.”

The Press further asked him where all these monies went too. Prevaricating, the VC peeped through the window to check if anyone was listening and even requested all reporters to switch off their recording devices.

“The truth is,” he began, “I just want the students to pay these monies as a way of contributing financially to the university’s progress. You may call it students’ charity.

“It is through these funds I have been able to renovate the university, through for instance painting some old structures, and this is why in return I give the students the right to express their displeasure in my administration.”

While addressing the issue of damaging of banners by candidates and other unscrupulous forms of politicking, the VC described the acts as normal. He posited that at least they have not done a quarter of what the beardless boy did, which almost got him out of his job.

“I see nothing bad in damaging banners so far it’s not the school’s properties,” he said. “The aspirants should feel free to do what they like, but what they don’t know is that the results of the elections are ready. So they would only be foolish to keep antagonising themselves. Our preferred candidate for President is from Law.”

Meanwhile, Kenide Baraka, one of the presidential candidates has lamented the favouritism in the university authorities’ decision. “This is sheer hypocrisy and in fact barbaric,” he said. “I cannot believe that the university authorities can stoop so low to endorse aspirants at the SU level. This is not a post for Vice-chancellors … but before we say anything, they will ask us to grow beards.”


Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.