… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
This pot has seen things. It has seen me boil water I had no intention of using, just to convince my body that life was happening. It has seen me cook noodles with only pepper and pride. It has seen me measure crayfish like diamonds, count seasoning cubes like votes. My pot knows the weight of scarcity. It knows that sometimes, hunger is not a feeling. It’s a timeline.
You know who you must avoid? A woman who does not cook or clean every day, who outsources food and cleaning services regularly, who has a career, who is ambitious, or — God forbid — who hires nannies to watch her kids while chasing her dreams and living her life. The icing on the cake would be an unmarried woman, a divorcee, and a feminist who is also a baddie. LOL! This category of women are tagged “bitter, wicked, frustrated witches”.
The one that is still paining me is the way they make rejection emails sound so sweet. If you won’t publish my work, simply say, “Sorry, we won’t publish this. Try again next time.” At least I’d get it straight up. But no, some magazines that love drama will first raise your heart rate with the arrival of the email.
There are many types of Fine Girls. We have the Fragile Princess, the Femme Fatale, and the Fancy Feminist—to mention just a few. Before you start assessing where you fit in, I need you to know that being a Fine Girl will cost you. It doesn’t matter what type of Fine Girl you choose to be. Not being a Fine Girl will also cost you; this one is certain. Remember that you are a woman: everything you do or refuse to do in this life will find a way to pull your wig.
“UP NEPA,” like Nigerians usually chorus when the light comes on after a week or more of blackout, shows the love and understanding between her citizens and electricity providers. If not for love, why would you hail them? There would’ve been light 24/7, but the love will fade over time and neither NEPA nor its customers will have reasons to visit each other as they do now. And the switcher who flicks the lights on and off will become bored of his job.
Commercial motorcyclists are notorious for driving without regard for their life. Well, it is because they have so many they can afford to be reckless, a new study now tells us.
As an African, if you don’t know already, the benchmark of global standards should always be the west. Looking for just and fair democracies? The west has it (never mind cracks in their institutions and racial segregations). Thinking of ways of how the world should progress in the areas of science, arts and technology? The west is the best bet (hey, shut that thought that African cultures, sciences and traditions are equally viable).
In this party, we believe that it is time to stop pussyfooting and do the needful with full awareness and zero guilt. We have been feasting on the poor for decades, pretending to regard them as humans in equal stature to us while sticking forks into them. Today LCC presents another way of doing things – a way that is transparent, fair and forward-looking.
You cannot tell whether you live in a colony simply by looking at your constitution. Constitutions have lots of dead letters: rights that are there in writing but dead-on-delivery. To help you decide the colonial status of your country, we put together this rough-and-ready ten-point test.
A group of hard-working and smart Nigerians have taken to Twitter to share their 100 per cent true stories of saving money from their little earnings. Hoping others, especially members of the Youth Wing of the Union of Lazy Nigerians, will learn from their experiences, they also disclosed the mind-blowing things they have invested the savings in, including building houses and hospitals.
