Unseriously Serious

The discovery of ‘Nobody Holy’: A previously untold story 

Some say the it was forged by an ancient sorcerer out of the last remnants of icing on ‘Geria’s national cake at the point where River Niger meets River Benue. Others say it was birthed after a rare intercourse between a Marlian and a Tacha Stan. But regardless of what version is true, ‘Nobody Holy’ made its way to the hearts and tongue of all ‘Gerians, old and young, male and female, and everyone in-between. And that was when things started to fall apart.

From Our Allies

One Lagos, many troubles 

Hope it didn’t move your office from CMS to V.I? If you don’t know, please confirm before you head out to work. In these times, we have to sympathise with Lagos people. One governor was removed because he didn’t carry people along in line with the master’s masterplan. Thank God, flood will carry everyone along now. Or should we say Lagosians got what they deserve? –— a man of the people.

From Our Allies

September to remember 

Diary, did you know it’s treason to yarb Mr President too? Mr Sowore’s mosquito has landed on PMB’s scrotum — he is the latest victim. But who is a treasonable felon? The person who toppled Shagari’s civilian govt. through a military coup or the one who complained of the decadence in the system?

Copyright: Adeeko Olusegun
Unseriously Serious

The Nigerian government’s guide to road maintenance 

There are some silly countries, such as Canada, that have created online forms and helplines just for people to complain about potholes. Every year, the city of Toronto alone spends millions of dollars repairing hundreds of thousands of potholes and then—wait for it—also gives progress reports to the people about how many potholes they’ve massacred. Who does that? Aren’t they aware that potholes are citizens with fundamental human rights? Don’t they know they are a necessary evil that deserve to be treated with love, care, and respect?

Credit: Modesty Ukeoma/Daily Trust Newspaper
From Our Allies

Nigeria Air, Africa’s largest airline, to suspend activities to South Africa 

I am pleased to announce to you that as part of efforts to bring the diplomatic relations between the GIANT OF AFRICA and the xenophobic South Africa to a very low ebb, the federal government of Nigeria under the leadership of Muhammadu Buhari has vowed that the activities of Nigeria Air, Africa’s best and largest air transport company, to South Africa will be suspended totally.

From Our Allies

Kudos to our Yahoo boys 

And then, they get down to the real work of pressing ‘lapi’ all night. Prapapapa papapa. No stopping. Thanks to the seemingly strong internet connectivity our nights afford in Nigeria. These boys don’t just sleep at all; they stay up grinding and hustling hard, with deft fingers. The business is not a walk in the park at all. And that’s what we are talking about — being hard-working without working hard for money. That’s just the Nigerian way.

From Our Allies

Mediocrity is praying 

See how all your prayers since 1960 have produced plenty crude oil refinery for the nation, many monumental projects apart from the ones the oyinbos left us with, ASUU has stopped striking like thunder, the number of our of school children has drastically reduced, and we even produce more foodstuff than we can take. See how we export our best hands abroad because of surplus development here, and portable water continues to reach all Nigerians. Sisi mii, aku adura o!