A strange mission
(It’s a little past midday. The setting is a marketplace. There are four men sitting on the benches in an empty buka. […]
Job ad: Chief Qualimarketing Officer
It is a job that lies within the expertise of Human Resources but at the same time pays its dues in Community Relations with a touch of Advertising, a brush of Public Relations and a splash of Computer Science, a stroke of Clinical Psychology and a hint of high school chemistry.
Between a constituency member and his council representative
We are still enjoying the transformer that you got for our street, although it eventually blew because people in this place don’t know how to manage light. We are also grateful for the borehole tank that you installed in our community. Even though it has been a month since it was completed and you have not come to inaugurate it due to your busy schedule, it has added to the beauty of our community.
Graduate devastated he has to pay to afford his career
“We need to build our country into a global force. But we can’t do that when our youths are bitching about pay and welfare. They need to tighten their belt and work hard.”
The disillusionment of a young satirist
“Soon things started to get downright weird. It started as a series of mere coincidences. The other day, thinking about how preposterous it would be to have government tone-deaf to the plight of citizens, I adapted the popular ‘Let them eat cake’ expression credited to Marie Antoinette into a satire for the Nigerian context. A few days later, our first lady told people to start frying akara.”
Reactions as government rolls out plans for speech licensing authority
Sources close to the issue stated that the move is following several cases of defamation and misinformation, of which federal government officials and lawmakers have found themselves at the receiving end.
The Minister of Statistics
I know this might be surprising, but not every graduate needs a formal office job. If a graduate is regularly being sent to buy bread, recharge electricity units, collect parcels, or escort younger siblings to school, that individual is clearly rendering services to society. So my advice is that, if you know any unemployed youth around you, try to be sending him/her on errands. That way, we can increase youth employment to 100%.
‘We are not ordinary bandits,’ Nigerian terrorists insist
A coalition of Nigerian terrorist organisations operating under the umbrella of the Supreme International Terrorism Confederation has condemned attempts by government officials and members of the public to classify them as bandits, insisting that such descriptions diminish the professionalism of their work.
Religion and five other things you need to win an election in Nigeria
In this part of the world, practising a religion is evidence of virtue and also a campaign strategy. Just to be safe, you could enable the three-factor authentication—go to a mosque on Friday, to church on Sunday and then pay a courtesy visit to Professor Fajemilohun’s shrine before major rallies.
World peace restored after Nigerian netizen tweets a hashtag
However, some countries and other international human rights organisations have raised concerns about free will and the principle of non-interference. According to the ambassador of a country in the Middle East, “While peace is beautiful, it is important to let the countries involved resolve their own issues. You can’t just pick up your phone, tweet and interrupt an issue without understanding the full context.”