How to think of Africa and Africans
As an African, if you don’t know already, the benchmark of global standards should always be the west. Looking for just and fair democracies? The west has it (never mind cracks in their institutions and racial segregations). Thinking of ways of how the world should progress in the areas of science, arts and technology? The west is the best bet (hey, shut that thought that African cultures, sciences and traditions are equally viable).
“I have never received bribe all my life” — Ameshi to sue Magun for plagiarism
From my sources close to the Honorable Minister, I can authoritatively tell you that when news broke out Wednesday that Mr. Magun uttered words during a meeting with the press on never receiving a bribe in his life, the honorable minister was left flabbergasted, utterly astonished, and vowed to fight like every struggling Nigerian out there to protect his verbal properties.
5 reasons present-day Nigerian youth are the best
Whether it is to snatch ballot boxes or spell coconut, we don’t refuse to answer when the elders call, especially when they shake our hands with a handful of freshly minted 1000 naira notes. We are not doing it for the money o. We are simply snatching ballot boxes and protesting because it is unfair to cheat such a kind and pleasant politician.
NDDC MD’s acting coach resigns after his ‘disappointing performance’
“The entire national assembly probe is a script we’ve written since last year and this fainting episode is meant to be the season finale,” he said. “But see what happened? My whole reputation is on the line. My career is in shambles and I’m even starting to question my life purpose.”
‘Daddy Magu, we are sorry!’
First, your groundbreaking discovery on ‘kovid-one-nine’ is, no doubts, compelling and indelibly etched into the sands of time. All thanks to you, we now know that corruption is the cause of the pandemic. You needn’t be adorned with a lab coat, neither did you go through the troubles of conventional scientific research, you solved a global mystery before anyone could say Jack; a feat deserving of a Nobel prize.
Hushdaddy Magu, don’t leave us, sir.
Amidst other questions their naive officers need answers to, the DSS also needs some advice on how he was able to transfer funds abroad via a third party. For only he can do these things, and there is no one like him. No. Don’t say the bush meat has caught the hunter. Say the bush meat volunteered to enter the hunter’s pot.
In defence of Sai Baba
For a 77-year-old man who had risked his life to partake in three major military coups; led the country as Head of State; ditched the khaki for the civilian garb; ran for Presidency three consecutive times before his triumph at the fourth attempt, this is undeserving. It is undeniable that the tall and suave Sai Baba is truly committed to Nigeria’s development. Come on, he could have retired to stay home and play with his grandkids but he didn’t, because of his undying love for the country.
Becoming a campus journalist in Nigeria: A satirical guide
Like the strong-willed patriotic Nigerian that you are, you do not want to lose out on all. You look for ways to impact on campus and thicken your skillset and your professional experience. You have got to thicken your CV for recruiters and employers who require a five-year experience for the job you hope to apply for as a fresh graduate. Trust me, I come with the perfect panacea: be a campus journalist and shoot into limelight.
No money, no influence… Success in Nigeria? No way!
When a Court of Justice gives the order for the release of a big man in Nigeria, that order is immediately complied with by the prison officials who know that they are big and, as such, do not need to be protected. For these big men, a motorcade is usually on hand to sweep them out of their legislative cells to go and be continuing their bigness from where they stopped in the real world.
May Nigeria not happen to you
The bullion vans that entered a private bank on Bourdillon Street, your anti-graft agency is yet to probe. Your House of Assembly speaker has about 64 bank accounts, he is yet to be duly prosecuted too. But if the police find more than three ATM cards in your wallet, you are declared a yahoo boy and your trial starts immediately.