Deaths in the city: What’s gwan inna this our Kano?
When COVID-19 stepped on the much-chronicled city of Kano, inhabitants treated it like any other Chinese export or visitor. A troupe of traditional singers and dancers was sent to welcome it amidst jubilation and fanfare. No kobo was spent from the state’s coffers; they have Gandollar’s dollars to thank for that. A novelty football game tagged “Corona Match” was held in honour of the guest of honour. There, Social-Distancing and Stay-Home orders were defiled before, during, and after the game.
Bring Back Our Mondays (#BBOM)!
Gradually, we have lost our sense of days. Today, like yesterday, is another Saturday. We shall eat rice, surf the Internet, talk with a few friends, and sleep like we did in previous Saturdays. The regular Saturday aura isn’t even appropriate anymore to describe our mood these days. We will just continue to live and pay no attention to the calendar on the wall.
How to get the Kogi COVID-19 app
A few days ago, Gov. Yahaya Bello told us of his incredible effort and first-of-its-kind approach to ensure the people of Kogi are marked safe from COVID-19. The most interesting thing in that interview with Channels television was the announcement of a software application that will help Kogi people monitor their COVID-19 status by themselves. This is highly commendable.
Nigeria records new case of COVIDIOT, total now 11
A former presidential hopeful, Garba Adamu, has been added to the list of COVIDIOTS in the country. Mr Adamu has now joined ten others, mostly political and religious leaders, who…
UPDATE: Confirmed cases of #COVIDIOTS in Nigeria. See who made the list
We understand that the NCDC is unable to track all cases of COVIDIOTS while also confirming new cases of infection, so we at Punocracy are volunteering to assist with this public service as our contribution to the national response against COVID-19.
A tale of two presidents and two celebrities
If my tale conveys little or no sense to you, please pardon and bear with me. It is the sign of the end times that we live in — dubbed the 5G and COVID-19 age. Nothing is making sense again as common sense has contracted the coronavirus pandemic in Nigeria from a Chinese contractor, upon reporting at the facility that treats the disease, he was sent home for lack of bed space.
Calm down! Our government can’t multitask.
Our government is busy, the health sector is working to fight this pandemic since we have a new saviour Boss Mustapha. The religious sectors will not come out as they are on praying mountains interceding on behalf of the nation, since it is our iniquities that has brought this plague on us. The security officials are too busy in the war against Covid-19 since it is no longer a health matter but a matter of security now.
Satire 0-1 News: Let’s just call this the COVID edition
Facts are oftentimes stranger than fiction just as news is oftentimes more hilarious than satire. We live in a world (or country?) where journalists have, without intending it, become greater comedians than professional humorists. Don’t believe us? Keep reading.
Dear Republic of China | Fatima Damagum
We know that this infection originated from you people, but we Nigerians, have a forgiving spirit. We forgive you for what you have done to Italy, Spain and France. We even forgive you for what you have done to that country headed by that Blonde man who called us a ’shit hole’ country. We forgive you for all these atrocities because of our long and beautiful relationship. Except for the cancellation of the Premiership league and our yearly Umrah; I am not so pleased with that.
Dr Chris Oyakhilome unveils a new chemical compound
He left academia afterwards to become a churchpreneur, serving the God of Israel. He is a successful businessman with a net worth of $30 to $50 million (2011, Forbes) just by doing God’s work. With his wealth, he has built the most advanced private research facility in the world based in his home country of Nigeria.