… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
The idea of sitting out a topic one has little knowledge of should never resonate with you. You see, social media conversations are unlike other types. You’re likely going to be chiming in your viewpoint amid tens of others who may or may not know quite a few things about the hot topic.
We gained independence in 1960 from the British, but we’re about to be recolonised by the Chinese. It’s only a matter of time before we’ll all become Nigeria-born Chinese because of the unquenchable love of our hardworking leaders for Chinese loans. After squandering what benevolence has brought to our domain, they resort to borrowing.
As a national government acting through your agencies and sector regulators, there’s nothing more delightful to you than watching your lazy citizens hustle hard to build their businesses, make your economy attractive to potential investors and then when their respective sectors start to boom, BOOM! you hit them with sucker-punches in the form of odious regulations and enforcement.
In the past months when robbery attacks were incessant in Kutuwenje, it was Baba Kamoru that mobilised men in the neighbourhood to repel these attacks, while Constable Taiwo was patiently waiting at the police station to report cries of how much money and other valuables were stolen.
Start the process with your fellow policy makers in the ministry. You have to be crafty and be proactive to stand your opinion here, the meeting is where you prove your expertise in decision-making for the masses. Remember, what Elnathan John taught about lateness to meeting, don’t forget that; it’s a necessity.
Whether it is to snatch ballot boxes or spell coconut, we don’t refuse to answer when the elders call, especially when they shake our hands with a handful of freshly minted 1000 naira notes. We are not doing it for the money o. We are simply snatching ballot boxes and protesting because it is unfair to cheat such a kind and pleasant politician.
Professional comedians should start watching their backs. I pray that the extinction of that industry isn’t imminent. A new class of comedians is emerging with great comic capacity more than anything we’ve ever seen. They don’t require anything to launch their profession other than a public office or an opportunity to serve the people. The only due they pay to remain in the industry is required every four years.
Prior to the time they found a seat in the corridor of power, they understood everything about governance and meeting the needs of people. In fact, they considered the usual fight in the House over who gets what share of the National Cake as demeaning to the entire nation. Therefore, they sold an anti-corruption story to us. We bought it with our sweat. Some did with their blood. But we have not received our change. They said we will receive it. Its fruits will come like a thief in the night. Pending the time, let us enjoy the rice in Kano and the 24h/7 electricity we read about in the news.
First, you must learn to shed tears in your aspiration to be voted into power; buy underprivileged citizens’ sympathy through live telecast. You should learn to have photo ops of you having a great meal of garri, sachet Milo or pap.
You really need to know that facing a panel can be embarrassing and frustrating. Hence, a holistic preparation is a necessity most especially when you are trying to sweep things under the carpet. This is because reporters and rumour-carriers are on the lookout for your poor presentation which might eventually unveil your ass to the world. Follow me on this short trip as I show you how it’s been done here in this place called Nigeria.
