Punocracy

where sa-tyres never go flat

Unseriously Serious

Why obey a court order when…

Why obey a court order when there’s Twitter? Even if lots of innocent, precious lives are lost during a protest over the continued detention of someone despite court orders, all you need is a thread that starts with you “most deeply commiserating with the families” of the victims, continues with a threat to the protesters, and ends with a prayer to God—you know, because Nigerians don’t just love prayers, they also love (authoritarian) leaders who pray.

FEAST
The T.A. Report

Tokunbo cars petition UN, lament ‘cruelty’ in Nigeria

Mr Volkswagen Jetta, the network’s public relations officer, lamented that it is only in Nigeria you find seven people sitting in a place clearly meant for two.

“One large buttock or two will now be dragging our gearshifts with the driver,” he said. “And, for our minibus-members, those ones called conductors even have one leg in the vehicle and one outside because of lack of space. Let us not even go into how one car is forced to carry loads meant for a lorry.”

FEAST
Unseriously Serious

Behind the scenes: Buhari’s prayers in Medina

Somewhere in the Arabian desert, two frames dressed in white ihram, one much taller than the second, are seen discussing in hushed tones and with a seriousness characteristic of Nigeria, one of the world’s very advanced nations. The Sun provides a natural filter for the faces of His Excellency, the president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, and his most senior media adviser… but Bayo Omoboriowo, the president’s photographer, is not close-by to capture the unique scene.

FEAST
The T.A. Report

Weight loss now requirement for promotion of civil servants, says FG

Workers, sources at the ministry of labour and employment told our reporter, may also soon be compelled to submit documents showing how many days off work they spent overseas as well as church/mosque attendance registers.

“The administration wants to make sure civil servants are taking time out to freshen up and to pray for the country,” an aide to the minister disclosed. “You see, especially now that the minimum wage has been increased, it is important we get value for every penny spent.”

FEAST