… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
“Yesterday’s invasion, which is the first phase of what we’ve tagged ‘Operation Risky Bob’, was no doubt successful as we prevented the commission of ungodly atrocities on our soil. I mean, what insecurity could be greater than not feeling secure with the gender your wise parents gave you?” the PPRO asked, as some policemen and journalists nodded in approval.
He added that the curriculum revision recently done by the federal government has suggested alternatives for topics or theories that may be considered (t)reasonably unfair to the administration. “Solar revolution” is now to be known as “solar gyration” and all historical revolutions, such as the 1917 Russian revolution or the 1959 Cuban revolution, are now to be referred to simply as unrests—but must not be taught in classes.
Why obey a court order when there’s Twitter? Even if lots of innocent, precious lives are lost during a protest over the continued detention of someone despite court orders, all you need is a thread that starts with you “most deeply commiserating with the families” of the victims, continues with a threat to the protesters, and ends with a prayer to God—you know, because Nigerians don’t just love prayers, they also love (authoritarian) leaders who pray.
ABUJA (The T.A. Report) ― Alternate reports reaching us say Abba Kyari has finally re-appointed himself as the federal government’s Chief of […]
The report launched in Abuja, on Saturday, by the Commonsensically Objective Scientists’ Association (COSA) has however been received with great suspicion by Nigerians. It has also generated heated controversy, with some accusing the researchers, many of whom are agnostics, of being biased against the house of God.
“Only this man has the skills and resources to pull off such a heist,” an official of the electoral commission told our correspondent on Saturday. “Don’t be surprised if the INEC server is found under a pedestrian bridge like the mace was, or maybe put up for sale as fairly used at the Computer Village in Lagos.”
In the news: President Buhari submits assets declaration forms President Muhammadu Buhari has, in compliance with the constitution of the Federal Republic […]
Sources at the state house, who we admit were not very sober at the time, told the T.A. Report that someone called Loyalty has occupied the office previously used by Competence since May 2015. There are indications this office will be converted into a full-fledged agency in the coming months.
Mr Volkswagen Jetta, the network’s public relations officer, lamented that it is only in Nigeria you find seven people sitting in a place clearly meant for two.
“One large buttock or two will now be dragging our gearshifts with the driver,” he said. “And, for our minibus-members, those ones called conductors even have one leg in the vehicle and one outside because of lack of space. Let us not even go into how one car is forced to carry loads meant for a lorry.”
Somewhere in the Arabian desert, two frames dressed in white ihram, one much taller than the second, are seen discussing in hushed tones and with a seriousness characteristic of Nigeria, one of the world’s very advanced nations. The Sun provides a natural filter for the faces of His Excellency, the president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, and his most senior media adviser… but Bayo Omoboriowo, the president’s photographer, is not close-by to capture the unique scene.
