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The Book of Ajanaku

The crucifixion of Kolade Jackson: Easter verses as a portrait of police brutality

The crucifixion of Kolade Jackson: Easter verses as a portrait of police brutality

1. And Kolade Jackson went up to the sport amphitheatre, where the warriors of Liverpool and the warriors of Tottenham hath camped ready to battle.

2. He took his two friends apart, themselves stepsons of Liverpool, and said unto them: Behold, we go up to the centre, and the son of Liverpool shall be betrayed by the uniformed men of the state of Airegin, and, for no wise reason, they shall condemn him to death by the bullet’s sting.

3. And, before unleashing the bullet, shall pass him amongst themselves, as the Liverpoolians expertly toss the orb, to mock, and to scourge, and to rob, and to crucify him; and on the third year, or sooner, he shall rise again to fill the vase of revenge.

4. When the appointed hour cameth, the uniformed men of the state arrived at the amphitheatre when the battle most excited the people. And the people hath never seen anyone more fierce and ferocious and unfortunate as these men.

5. And Jackson stood before the leader of squad and the leader asked him: “Art thou a lover of football, the son of Liverpool?” And Jackson said unto him, “Thou sayest.”

6. Then said the leader unto him, “Hearest thou not how many things they witness against thee?” But Jackson answered nothing.

7. “They witness against thee five sins,” saith the leader: Of professing loyalty to the Liverpoolians in daylight, of permitting the touch of strange black lines on thy fair skin, of daring to speak English as the Queen of England speaketh the tongue, of having friends from across the seas as thy little screen divulged, and of oppressing the men of the state with thy gold and good looks.

8. Then the foot soldiers of the leader took Jackson to a nearby bush and gathered unto him the whole battalion as the people are wont to gather unto a Dominican pizza.

9. And they stripped him of his wine-coloured Liverpool jersey and put on him a scarlet robe.

10. And when they had platted a crown of thorns, they put it upon his head, and a reed in his right hand … and they bent a knee before him—not as Jon Snow to Targaryen, but in a scornful way. And they mocked him saying, “Hail Jackson, lover of football and son of Liverpool!”

11. And they spat upon him, and took the reed from his right hand, and smote him on the head.

12. And after they had mocked him and taken from him all his gold, they took the filthy robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him.

13. As they came out from the bush, they found an old man of Daura, Bukari by name, on a high horse white as vanilla, and fifty horses of same class strutting behind him. Him they compelled to bear Jackson’s cross.

Kolade Johnson buried amid tears on Friday. 🙁

14. And there followed them a great company of people, of women, which also bewailed and lamented him.

15. But Jackson, turning unto them, said, “Daughters of Airegin, weep not for me, but weep for yourselves, and for thy children … for behold! The days shall come in which they shall say, ‘Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.’ Then they shall begin to say to the rocks of Zuma, ‘Fall on us’, and to the hills of Ajuba, ‘Cover us!’ For if they do this in a democracy, what will happen if the rule is by the junta?”

16. And when they came unto a place called Asokoro, that is to say, a place of empty skulls and overflowing pouches, they crucified him and parted his garments.

17. And sitting down, they watched him there and set up over his head his accusation, written: THIS IS JACKSON OF MANGORO, LOVER OF FOOTBALL AND SON OF LIVERPOOL.

18. Then there were two other Aireginians crucified with him: The one on the right having a snake-like hairstyle grace his head as did Medusa of ancient Greece, and the one on the left a young man found with a horse so fine the men of the state cannot afford it.

19. And they that passed by reviled him, wagging their heads (and tails) and said, “If thou be the Son of Liverpool, save thyself as Alisson Becker saves his post from flying orbs.”

20. Now from the sixth hour darkness enveloped all the land unto the ninth hour.

21. And about the ninth hour, Jackson cried with a loud voice, saying, “Baladi! Baladi! Lama sabachthani?” That is to say, My country! My Country! Why hast thou forsaken me?

22. Terrified, one of the uniformed men of the state, Ogunyemew Lalekah by name, drew his pistol, and sent his bullet on an errand into Jackson’s chest.

23. Jackson, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost.

24. The rational men of Twitah and Phasbuk, seeing what had happened, praised God in different tongues and said, “Surely this was a righteous man, forced to ascend to the Lord Almighty in his prime.”

25. Then answered all the people, and said, “Cursed are the men of the state whose love for gold and enslavement of arms blind them from the love of their neighbours as themselves. Their’s is a great sin and, because of it, the blood of Jackson floweth through the land, and on us, and on our children.”

Adapted from the books of Matthew, and Luke.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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3 years ago

It was a fun read, very interesting

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