From Our Allies

Happy 21st birthday, Democracy 

Speaking of institutional nonsense, you remember how one of the first things you established was a reformed Nigeria? Ha! Good old days. A Nigeria with a doomed legislative building, sorry domed building called the National Assembly where family reunion is held every now and then between former khaki boys, holders of umbrellas, holders of circled stars (which today is a luxurious broom), and other distant cousins.

Unseriously Serious

How to get away with (extrajudicial) murder in Nigeria: A beginner’s guide 

How fortunate one must feel to be a Nigerian, to come from a country where absolute freedom is not a myth and impunity reigns supreme. When a great man (we are not sure which one) famously proclaimed that “your liberty to swing your fist ends just where my nose begins,” he certainly had not heard about the wonderful country called Nigeria. He, especially, betrayed his ignorance of that special creature known as the Nigerian Policeman or the Nigerian Soldier for whom the liberty to swing their fists ends wherever the fists end. Full stop.

From Our Allies

How to be a Nigerian woman 

First off, I must thank you because you have decided to learn a few tricks about being a woman. Most Nigerian women are often loathe to topics such as this. Conversations that teach them how to be better are often met with disgust and a strong detest. They refuse to listen to the voice of reason and sound opinion, well, except you’re their father in the Lord or spiritual leader, as the case my be.

The Inspector

Arresting poetry for a better Nigeria 

Poetry is a threat indeed; it is capable of stirring change, but the time of change has passed. We are in the next level. Poetry is capable of giving voice to the deprived, and that is not what we ought to see in our nation. Sanity is endurance, silence, shuffering and shmiling, injustice and ineffectiveness, and this is what our leaders are committed to ensuring.

From Our Allies

The noble efforts to give almajiris a bright future 

Even if they see a ray of hope or interest in something as Haram as Makarantan Boko, a thunder of “infidel” and soothing lashes of loving whips will never touch their backs. What do you need western education for? Without it, the commissioner rose to the top. He loitered the street, begged for money from passersby, almost got ran over by cars daily, ate crumbs from the plate of strangers and, when it was time, he was handpicked from the street and was sworn in as a commissioner the next day. You don’t have to strive; striving is rebellion.