Every year, billions of money that the can break the jaw of a counter are allocated for my manicure and pedicure in the budget. Those monies are always too blind to locate me. The only place they know is the coffers of the same old corrupt politicians. The little that manages to locate me is usually shared with contractors who are always keen on having the lion’s share. Hence, my dreadful state!
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The Holy Book, The Glorious Book and the divine inscriptions indelibly etched in the minds of our elders have unanimously called us to mourn the dead alongside their families and to give them befitting burials. But what if the said leader is a Nigerian (leader)? – A name more corrupt than corruption itself. How should we mourn them?
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When they come in their numbers
to offer condolences over the death of your child, you must simply tell them that it is the will of God.
Collins Dictionary, for instance, defines a road as “a long piece of hard ground which is built between two places so that people can drive or ride easily from one place to the other”. That’s correct you know—but only as long as you don’t import that understanding to Nigeria. Things are much different here… So different we’d need the entire dictionary rewritten to suit our realities. Here, a road would be more appropriately defined as “a warzone where potholes are mines, shock absorbers are shields, curses are bullets—and from which every soldier returns home a casualty”.
Continue ReadingThe VP’s Dictionary: Activist, constituted authority, corruption, and 22 other words
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The state’s better run like a business empire. Maybe renaming would do. For leaping productivity. The revolutionising Governor AbdulRahman might have forgotten to reach out to the House. He can visit the dam in the morn, hydro- plants in the noon and see some patients in the hospitals in the evening offering words of encouragement. The documents needing attention on his seats can sleep. The Deputy Governor could attend to them if he’s not attending a party member’s function.
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The report launched in Abuja, on Saturday, by the Commonsensically Objective Scientists’ Association (COSA) has however been received with great suspicion by Nigerians. It has also generated heated controversy, with some accusing the researchers, many of whom are agnostics, of being biased against the house of God.
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In Nigeria, you’re an artist of race.
first you paint yourself as a Yorùbá, then as a Yorùbá Christian.
and Fuhad paints himself different, a Yoruba Muslim,
and Chukwu thinks you all are jokers, because Catholicism is the light,
and Abdul cuts off Fuhad, for not knowing Allah enough.
14. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour—save where thy neighbour belongs to the opposition camp in which case he deserves not a single shekel of pity and thou may paint him in whatever colour thou pleases. If he is from Airegin, thou may say to give an example that he haileth from the neighbouring town of Nooremac. If he is hale and hearty, thou may spread falsehood that he hath passed on and hath been replaced with a look-alike from the Northern kingdom of Nadus.
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LAGOS (The T.A. Report) — Fela Durotoye has apologised to Nigerians for his misleading campaign, which has so far portrayed him as a 2019 presidential aspirant. He disclosed in a statement, released on Monday through his website and Facebook page, that he is in truth running for the presidency of…
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