satire Archives | Page 24 of 26

Needless to say, one of the biggest beneficiaries of the boom era of smaller parties will be designers, logo makers especially. Apparently, asides the name, the other most important thing about a party is its logo. The lines. The colours. The choice of emblems and animals. Ah-mean, when it comes to content development, no one really gives one hoot about aim and objectives, mission and vision, ideologies, constitution, and that useless one they call manifesto. Graphic designers should therefore get ready for a career make-over that’ll financially elevate them above university professors and possibly even medical doctors.

The T.A. Report

We want our own constituency at NASS — internet users tell INEC

March 3, 2019March 3, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

Given the results of various polls conducted on the internet in the buildup to the general elections, many Nigerians had expected Sowore, Moghalu, or Atiku Abubalar to be declared winner. A new study has, however, revealed that social media has not fully penetrated the Northern region, especially the 3 K’s of Kano, Kaduna, and Katsina. The study also found that internet users in the South are 72 percent more likely to spend their day trolling, mailing subs, or watching Game of Thrones, than voting for their preferred candidates.

Eye of the Earth

Fake news is good for the brain — study shows

March 1, 2019March 1, 2019

by Launko Ajalenkoko

“Fake news is like breast milk. When you lack adequate measure of it, you may not be able to think for yourself but live on the precepts of daily newspapers who tell you what is not when you can think for yourself. You should always recourse to the philosophical proposition of the great René Descartes ‘corgito ergo sum’ translated in English as ‘I think, therefore I am’. It is worthy to note that it is ‘I’ not ‘they’ or ‘the newspapers’,” he
concluded.

Unseriously Serious

Why campaign rallies are the best thing after Agege bread

February 3, 2019May 25, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

There is nothing the pot-bellied politician would not do to convince the commoner that he is part of the everyday realities. He would sing all kinds of songs, speak all kinds of tongues, pray in the name of all kinds of gods, and dance, in a most awkward manner, all kinds of moves — especially the latest in town. All this time, we the people, the spectators on these days and all others, get freely entertained.

From Our Allies

THROWBACK: How to celebrate in dependence│Elnathan John

February 3, 2019August 19, 2019

by Guest writer

My dear, I think we should begin by thanking the United Kingdom. For keeping you safe. For helping you recover. For always being there when you need a doctor, a hospital, when you needed some rest, when you needed to park a plane and when nosy Nigerians decided it was their business what exactly you were spending money treating.

The T.A. Report

‘How would students come for our rallies if we called off ASUU strike?’ Buhari asks

February 2, 2019February 2, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

“So we urge members of ASUU to be patient with us; and also our l-l-aa- …., sorry, hardworking youth. If we still have enough money left in the treasury after the campaigns, we will definitely give priority to the schools.”

Unseriously Serious

How not to win elections in Nigeria—for dummies

January 27, 2019May 25, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

Compressed into this short listicle is over twenty years of research conducted by experts in various fields. By Jove, losing an election has never been this easy — but please be warned that the principles presented here are not universally applicable. They have only been tested and trusted as far as politics in Nigeria is concerned, and analysts predict that they will remain valid for at least another dozen years.

The T.A. Report