Criminal prosecution 101: How to battle corruption; Nigerian Style!
Are you a concerned Nigerian Citizen? Do you want to prosecute high profile criminal cases and battle the endemic disease; Corruption, that […]
The Nigerian government’s guide to road maintenance
There are some silly countries, such as Canada, that have created online forms and helplines just for people to complain about potholes. Every year, the city of Toronto alone spends millions of dollars repairing hundreds of thousands of potholes and then—wait for it—also gives progress reports to the people about how many potholes they’ve massacred. Who does that? Aren’t they aware that potholes are citizens with fundamental human rights? Don’t they know they are a necessary evil that deserve to be treated with love, care, and respect?
How to become the most peaceful university in Nigeria
When your students get into arguments with students from other institutions, while those students proudly make submissions over little accolades like having the best medical school or being among the top 50 universities in the world, tell yours to not feel inferior. They have the best quality any institution can offer. Peace.
Nigeria Air, Africa’s largest airline, to suspend activities to South Africa
I am pleased to announce to you that as part of efforts to bring the diplomatic relations between the GIANT OF AFRICA and the xenophobic South Africa to a very low ebb, the federal government of Nigeria under the leadership of Muhammadu Buhari has vowed that the activities of Nigeria Air, Africa’s best and largest air transport company, to South Africa will be suspended totally.
This is what being Nigerian means
Nigerians tired of the ill-treatment from one, who is supposedly their mother but doesn’t act like it, elope. They abscond hoping to get haven from other mothers. They try Mrs United States, Mrs South Africa, Mrs Lybia etc. with the mindset that since their own mother was so kind to foreigners, they too would be welcomed in open arms. How wrong they were.
Becoming a Nigerian politician: The ‘Wadume’ Model
Brandish your new identity as a politician. It explains the source of your wealth. It qualifies you for chieftaincy titles and juicy political appointments. Should those untrustworthy policemen betray you and kidnap you, your boyz and big boyz will alert your friends in the army who will annihilate the Police Kidnap Squad.
Shortlist: 2019 Punocracy Prize for Satire
The jury is still out on the question of who the top three entrants are. But having published all longlisted entries for the prize, we’re glad to finally announce those submissions that made the shortlist.
The apostle’s letter to Nigerians in SA
We never saw this coming. You know this has never happened until days ago. No Nigerian has ever been beaten, molested or robbed in SA — this is the first time. That’s why we are slow at reacting. All those former news we heard of the inhumane acts towards you in SA is mere talk. It wasn’t real, that’s why it’s taken us so long.
Putting an end to xenophobic attacks—Nigerian style!
First, have shitty embassies. You know, embassies that don’t make noise; embassies that like keeping things lowkey, especially when the ordinary Nigerian is under threat. What is a travel advisory? That strange concept should have no place in your dictionary. Your country already has one of the world’s largest populations and your citizens are everywhere, strutting like they own the planet together with all its continents and crannies. Of course, the last thing you want to do is further amplify your presence with some embassy or high commission that promptly speaks out for its people.
Kudos to our Yahoo boys
And then, they get down to the real work of pressing ‘lapi’ all night. Prapapapa papapa. No stopping. Thanks to the seemingly strong internet connectivity our nights afford in Nigeria. These boys don’t just sleep at all; they stay up grinding and hustling hard, with deft fingers. The business is not a walk in the park at all. And that’s what we are talking about — being hard-working without working hard for money. That’s just the Nigerian way.