When Nigeria decides to isolate you
Badmus Sheriff It would be a case of double isolation, getting isolated in an isolated nation. Super isolation! When you hold a […]
Coronavirus: Critics ask why Nigeria ranks behind 80 other countries, blame Buhari
“There is a reason some diseases are called diseases of affluence,” he said. “Nigerians deserve better than diseases of poverty like Lassa fever and Malaria. We should be quick to replace them with Western afflictions like coronavirus, cancer, obesity, and hypertension. That’s not too much to ask, is it?”
Eat the poor to save Nigeria: My political party manifesto | David Hundeyin
In this party, we believe that it is time to stop pussyfooting and do the needful with full awareness and zero guilt. We have been feasting on the poor for decades, pretending to regard them as humans in equal stature to us while sticking forks into them. Today LCC presents another way of doing things – a way that is transparent, fair and forward-looking.
Fellow Nigerians, shall we discuss ‘up NEPA’?
It’s like approaching climax or sniffing cocaine; we are addicted to it. Even if it means some Albino would sit in an air-conditioned room in the Queen’s land and say we are underdeveloped or underdeveloping, that’s their problem. At least it’s our country and we have pledged to be faithful, loyal, and (dis)honest to it.
How to govern Nigeria | Ali Muhammad Garba
Start with a ‘populist’ programme and make plenty of noise to affirm your campaign promises and resonate with the electorate. A bit of noisy razzmatazz on Boko Haram, funding for agriculture, some high profile arrests on corruption charges and, more importantly, painting the opposition and critics black. Hammer on the point that you are not a thief.
Losing the birth lottery
Once you are born in Nigeria, you already have the special privilege of being a citizen of the poverty capital of the world. At this point, you must pray hard even before you can talk, so you are not one of the 4 in 10 Nigerians living in extreme poverty. If you even happen not to be at the point of birth, your prayers must not cease, lest you are one of the 6 Nigerians falling into poverty every minute.
Nigeria and her watery standards
Let’s come home. Who needs much education or enlightenment to be a senator? You’d better perfect your bootlicking skills, master the art of making empty promises, follow the orders of your Alpha; and you’re on your way to Abuja.
Of Naija, empty barrels, and noise-making
Ever since the inception of Nigeria, her leaders have always been full of promises upon promises, without action. We should just rename the country the Land of Promise or the Federal Republic of Dreams.
May Nigeria never happen to you
Wait for it: If Nigeria should happen to you, your father would keep visiting the United States of America for the slightest headache, but he will emphasise that irrespective of how ill you are you must not go beyond the United States of Abule-Egba in the search for a cure to your ailment — in order to save some token for national development and increase the rate of underdevelopment in the country.
Is your country a glorified colony? A ten-point test | Chuma Nwokolo
You cannot tell whether you live in a colony simply by looking at your constitution. Constitutions have lots of dead letters: rights that are there in writing but dead-on-delivery. To help you decide the colonial status of your country, we put together this rough-and-ready ten-point test.