Punocracy

… where sa-tyres never go flat

The T.A. Report

Weight loss now requirement for promotion of civil servants, says FG

Workers, sources at the ministry of labour and employment told our reporter, may also soon be compelled to submit documents showing how many days off work they spent overseas as well as church/mosque attendance registers.

“The administration wants to make sure civil servants are taking time out to freshen up and to pray for the country,” an aide to the minister disclosed. “You see, especially now that the minimum wage has been increased, it is important we get value for every penny spent.”

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The Book of Ajanaku

Undecorous Decalogue… The Nigerian politician’s 10 commandments

14. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour—save where thy neighbour belongs to the opposition camp in which case he deserves not a single shekel of pity and thou may paint him in whatever colour thou pleases. If he is from Airegin, thou may say to give an example that he haileth from the neighbouring town of Nooremac. If he is hale and hearty, thou may spread falsehood that he hath passed on and hath been replaced with a look-alike from the Northern kingdom of Nadus.

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Eye of the Earth

Fake news is good for the brain — study shows

“Fake news is like breast milk. When you lack adequate measure of it, you may not be able to think for yourself but live on the precepts of daily newspapers who tell you what is not when you can think for yourself. You should always recourse to the philosophical proposition of the great René Descartes ‘corgito ergo sum’ translated in English as ‘I think, therefore I am’. It is worthy to note that it is ‘I’ not ‘they’ or ‘the newspapers’,” he
concluded.

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Unseriously Serious

Why campaign rallies are the best thing after Agege bread

There is nothing the pot-bellied politician would not do to convince the commoner that he is part of the everyday realities. He would sing all kinds of songs, speak all kinds of tongues, pray in the name of all kinds of gods, and dance, in a most awkward manner, all kinds of moves — especially the latest in town. All this time, we the people, the spectators on these days and all others, get freely entertained.

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