Woman-beating senator, Abbo, gives hope to others like him, says award cttee
“Abbo’s achievements give us hope that a man can still walk into any establishment, beat up people who challenge his God-given authority, and walk away with both his manhood and status intact. They give us hope that even the efficiency of security cameras and the outrage of all of the social media aren’t enough to bring down a daring man, no less a lawmaker with higher standards of behaviour. We are excited that such trifles as a man slapping a woman aren’t a genuine concern for the courts and legislature.”
The VP’s Dictionary: Abroad, lawmaker, poverty, and 38 other words
5. Bail: (n) 1. A ransom paid to police officers by a captive to secure his release. 2. The release of a defendant from police custody following an application from the defendant themself or a law court; subject to presidential oversight, the security agency has full discretion over whether or not to grant this application.
Fake news, fake legislators, fake government
Fake news on social media is an idiot. It is responsible for the hunger in the land, the slow growth rate of our economy, the increase in impoverished people, the poor power sector, the constant diminishing of our educational standards, and the mammoth crowd of Nigerians seeking to run out of the country. We’ve even closed our borders to avoid entrance of foreign fake news.
The VP’s Dictionary: Activist, constituted authority, corruption, and 22 other words
Collins Dictionary, for instance, defines a road as “a long piece of hard ground which is built between two places so that people can drive or ride easily from one place to the other”. That’s correct you know—but only as long as you don’t import that understanding to Nigeria. Things are much different here… So different we’d need the entire dictionary rewritten to suit our realities. Here, a road would be more appropriately defined as “a warzone where potholes are mines, shock absorbers are shields, curses are bullets—and from which every soldier returns home a casualty”.
Vehicles, roads vow to “revolt” against lawmakers’ plan to purchase SUV
Micra, the group’s spokesperson, opened the address by explaining that the plan to revolt trails the move by the nation’s upper house to gift each one of its 109 senators N50 million worth of SUV — an amount that totals N5.550 billion, more than the 8th assembly’s N4 billion haul for the same purpose.
Senator Omo-Agege may have stolen INEC server, sources say
“Only this man has the skills and resources to pull off such a heist,” an official of the electoral commission told our correspondent on Saturday. “Don’t be surprised if the INEC server is found under a pedestrian bridge like the mace was, or maybe put up for sale as fairly used at the Computer Village in Lagos.”