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Vehicles, roads vow to “revolt” against lawmakers’ plan to purchase SUV

Vehicles, roads vow to “revolt” against lawmakers’ plan to purchase SUV

LAGOS — In what seems like season 2 of the silenced #RevolutionNow protest, the Coalition for Automobiles Right, CAR, has vowed to “vehemently revolt” against the plan of members of the red chamber to purchase Sports Utility Vehicles (SUV) for themselves.

CAR made this known in a public address by it members in Lagos on Sunday.

Micra, the group’s spokesperson, opened the address by explaining that the plan to revolt trails the move by the nation’s upper house to gift each one of its 109 senators N50 million worth of SUV — an amount that totals N5.550 billion, more than the 8th assembly’s N4 billion haul for the same purpose.

He said this move became particularly necessary to save the face of the country’s automobile industry, and “the condition of their numerous customers across the country.”

More than this, he adds, the report that the senate will not be patronizing local automobile firms is “a no-no for us.”

“It is just unacceptable for us. How do we grow our locally made and locally driven members? It is unheard of to know that the legislators want to contribute to the growth of other countries at the expense of investing in us. For us, we will not let this “bow and go”; we will vehemently revolt against it.”

Asked if they are aware calling for revolution could fetch them charges of treasonable felony, it was Keke Maruwa that spoke this time. “We are not afraid of any charge of treason that might come with this. We are ready for any outcome.”

“Nothing stops our lawmakers from buying cars made by Innoson,” Micra continued. “That is the way to promote our own. If lawmakers cannot do this, then public fund should not be used for such plan. We will like to see senators ride our members too. It will be a thing of joy to see senators invest in us. Charity begins at home.

“Should not representation be by service? The poor people that ride us too deserve more. Using the taxes they pay to fund such expensive gifts will tell on them, and in turn, tell on us.”

Similarly appalled about the lawmakers’ plan are roads across the country, which report has shown have been potholed massively since they last received a facelift.

“We see it as a misplaced priority,” the roads wrote in a joint statement. “What is the logic in buying such expensive number of cars without improving our condition? It is like as a leper who, rather than seek cure to leprosy, chooses to buy expensive and exotic clothes. Does that make sense to anyone? We believe lawmakers should be more reasonable than this.

“We will push back at this move. That will be our own way of revolting. But if they insist on going ahead with the plan, we will use our many potholes to deal with them. We will contract beneath their tyres. We will make their vehicles to somersault. They had better not travel through us. If they have ears, let them hear.”

The move by the senate to purchase SUV for its members joins the long list of outrageous allowances they have always pocketed.

The allowances of the 469 legislators of both houses are equivalent to the yearly salaries of 191, 954 civil servants who receive N30, 000 minimum wage.

Reports suggest that, although Nigeria’s lawmakers are the highest paid in the world, they are the best example of how not to legislate.

Lawmakers are currently on recess. They will resume September 24.

Caveat: This is a work of satire. Names or anything that has semblance with them, persons, wise or otherwise, offices, high or low, authorities, constituted or unconstituted, are as a result mixture of the author’s imagination and inspiration from Above, and any semblance of actual persons, far or near, organizations or body is the handiwork of Mr Coincidence. You have been told. Don’t say we haven’t!

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I, Bayode Otitokoro, fell in love with the truth from childhood. My mantra is: in an unjust society silence is a crime. With satire, I will clad my society in the attire of sanity.

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