… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
The general, while addressing Pressmen on Sunday, described the SEAL Team Six operation as a sheer wanton wastage of US tax payers’ resources and has since called on the armed forces of other countries to equally condemn their action.
Our dearest Mini Star cum secret agent has released a special diary of events leading up to his finding of a secret video recorder in the now infamous Lekki Toll Gate.
Some call them hoodlums (probably because they’re from the hood). Others see them as miscreants and thugs. There is no denying the fact that these opportunists are risking their lives, damning the consequences in the process and helping themselves to as much palliatives as possible.
“I have been enduring this for decades and I have honestly been trying to cope, when Nigerians buy a new car, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they build a new house, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they start a business, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they are going on a Journey they cover it with the blood of Jesus, when they are investing in a Ponzi Scheme, they cover it with the blood of Jesus, even their lives are covered with the blood of Jesus!
The past four days have been trying times. The country has been visibly shaken by the deliberate shooting of peaceful protesters in Lekki. This calculated malevolence has brought tears to many eyes, birthed fear, and squeezed sympathy from more foreigners. Even Beyonce finally donated food, what we needed the most. A silver lining may have been the discovery of a CA-COVID warehouse and the distribution of the hoarded resources on behalf of the government.
The presidency has asked Nigerians to be patient for the part II of Mahmud Buari’s speech to the country on the End SARS campaign, explaining that the section containing his position on the Lekki Massacre and other key issues is still with the video editor.
The restless heart of Nigeria’s Vice President, Professor Yemii Osibande (PYO) has again gone out for some fresh air in the light of the ongoing civil war declared by the Nigerian government against her people.
Following years of military disgrace by Boko Haram teens, our soldiers (fondly called Zombi-o by Fela) last night restored the Army’s glory in a battle against flag-waving #EndSARS protesters who had attacked first with verses of Nigeria’s dangerous National Anthem.
“What have we not done in the past two weeks? We have released what, about 10, press statements? I have met with several government officials and shared clear pictures of these high-level meetings to assure Nigerians of my personal involvement. We have in fact, you know, technically defeated SARS and replaced two of the letters. My wife’s solidarity tweet did not even have any effect,” he lamented.
Vera Nazarian once said that if you are faced with a mountain, you have several options. You can climb it and cross to the other side. You can go around it. You can dig under it. You can fly over it. You can blow it up. You can ignore it and pretend it’s not there. You can turn around and go back the way you came. Or you can stay on the mountain and make it your home. Nigeria is that wonderful mountain Vera is talking about. You are free to do whatsoever suits you here.
