Punocracy

… where sa-tyres never go flat

From Our Allies

Letter to a brother in the diaspora

Letter to a brother in the diaspora

By: Aniebiet Effiong


With all sincerity I write this letter in reference to the note you sent which was all coated with fear and anxiety about the country. Let me begin by saying Nigeria is fine, we are all fine, hoping that you are also fine. To start with, nobody has died a casualty since the beginning of this year (except for those who were reportedly dead due to the coronavirus: if only it wasn’t the usual fake one).

We have lived in happiness, unity, and love. Our economy and infrastructure have developed in competition with the ones over there. If we outgrow America, put the praise on our politicians and our clergymen. Its their hard work. Elections are now free and fair. The police are now our friends. Crime rates have reduced beyond what we expected. Nigeria has become the safest place for investment. Please help relay this information to your oyibo friends over there. 

Our politicians have once again promised to empower and support all the youth academically, financially, and even spiritually. Most especially during this pandemic period. They are men of great repute and integrity. They can never lie. They have done it before. They will do it again. We believe them. More so, Nigerian leaders are globally known to be promise-keeping, honest and, as a matter of fact, religious.

Before I forget, our own Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala has been appointed Director General, World Trade Organization. What a huge feat! This is what our sincerity can do. It builds a good name for you.

To further clear your doubts and fears about Nigeria and the happenings and what people say to paint our government black, please keep reading this letter.

It’s a thing of pity when people start blaspheming the government on what they’ve not done. Those who accused our peace-making soldiers of shooting at people during the End SARS protests are agents of darkness. How can one say such a thing? Those were obviously photoshopped videos of some zombies from outer space attacking our peaceful protesters. These were all set up by the past government to tag our godly government bad people. They have been exposed. The truth is unveiling itself. As a matter of fact, no life was lost. Even the Governor of Lagos state can attest to this truth. He said this the day he went visiting those who sustained some minor injuries during the protest — say out of fatigue and the burning sun. 

I know you must have in one medium or the other heard that about the alleged hoarding of the Covid-19 palliatives by top government officials. Please discard such a misleading allegation. How can a generous government like ours do such a mischievous act? That would be so nefarious. The reason for the delay in distribution of the palliatives could have been the End SARS protests, or that those goods were fake and poisonous to the health of Nigerians, or that they were so busy that it skipped their memory. I can beat my chest to assure you those items weren’t hoarded. 

However, some people even go as far as asking for the achievements of these leaders during their reign. I laugh. Poverty is bad. I ask them: have you gone to Dubai and you’ve not seen their houses finely built? Isn’t that a huge achievement? Or what’s your definition of achievement? Do you think it’s easy to own properties abroad? These and many more are their achievements. Stop being sentimental. I know you nod your head when you see those properties owned by Nigerian politicians — your brothers. We are equally proud over here, despite the hunger.

How can one say that the President has damaged Nigeria’s unity more than Boko Haram? That is a fat lie borne out of pure hatred for the President. I beg the President to ignore all these talks and also forgive them. The President is a gentle and quiet man who knows nothing but peace. He is a man of few or no words. He’s been quiet over the series of bombings and killings in the country. He’s been quiet over ASUU strike. He’s been quiet over the End SARS protest (even when he came out to speak, he said one or two words and went his way). His silence doesn’t mean he’s weak. Asides from the fact that silence is bravery, sometimes he doesn’t even know all these happenings. I blame his aides for not informing him about these things on time.

The lawmakers are still working on the constitution to make sure there is provision for politicians to go for a third term. We love our President. May the Almighty bless him. May he win another term. Amen!

Sadly, the rate of Covid-19 infections has increased as a result of the so-called End SARS protest which was spearheaded by some internet fraudsters and hoodlums. But thank God the accounts of those who sponsored the movement have been frozen. A good one by the government! That’s a reward for protesting against good governance.

My dear brother in diaspora, I wish you could come down here to verify my words and also compare to the things you see on TV about Nigeria, so you could relate with my words and how true they are. But since it’s going to be a long process, I’d tell you to calm your nerves and relax your mind. I reiterate: put your eyes off those channels that try to make us look bad. All these are the handiwork of the devil and his cohorts to truncate the relentless efforts of our loyal Politicians.

Please ignore whatever they put up on social media. It’s to instigate strife and tension. But I know that the gad of our Daddy G.Os shall not allow them succeed. Amen! Having said these, sending us $5 wouldn’t be a bad idea at all. At least for this December. Please extend our kind regards to your family. Thanks.

From a happy brother.

Aniebiet Effiong


Asides being Aniebiet Effiong, loving Poetry, Pepsi, Adaugo, Afang soup, and watching Messi, sometimes all I need is a good satire to keep me going. Social media handles: Facebook — Aniebiet Effiong; Twitter — @aniebieteffion8; WhatsApp — 08024032005

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