Why government should ban Big Brother Naija
I think MURIC (Muslim Rights Concern) has a point in saying Big Brother Naija should be banned. This is an issue of national emergency if you ask me. BBNaija is not only distracting us from tackling Fulani herdsmen and corruption in Nigeria; it also infringes on the religious right of some peace-loving Muslims.
Who needs traditional protests when we have social media!
In the last month, we have recorded enormous success, starting with Pastor Biodun stepping down from his position as Head of COZA. Nigerians took it from the streets of Social Media to the streets of Abuja, right in front of his church building, dragged not only the image of this “Man Of God” but also took it a step further by shaming his churchgoers as well since they must have had a hand in his promiscuity and alleged sexual predation. Shaming Sunday churchgoers was just the right thing to do. Anyway, Pastor Biodun stepped down. Nigerians won.
A Modest Proposal—on Ruga, Buhari’s overdue foreign travel, and other matters
Lastly, Senator Ademola Adeleke — the legendary dancing senator — has lost his election petition case at the apex court. Too bad. In spite of the many shreds of evidence informing the court of the ruling party’s unwholesome activities in the Osun election, Adeleke lost. The presiding judge premised verdict on ‘legal technicality’, a term that has since thrown the literate and the unlettered among Nigerians into the puddle of befuddlement.
As a Budding Yahoo Boy, Diezani is my Role Model and Future ‘Maga’
As Yahoo Boy — whether a newbie who just stumbled on the business or a learned scholar who just started practising but is committed and promising with lofty dreams —…
Nigeria’s grand ayatolla, Abba Kyari re-appoints self as chief of staff
ABUJA (The T.A. Report) ― Alternate reports reaching us say Abba Kyari has finally re-appointed himself as the federal government’s Chief of Staff. In a letter of notification to presidential…
Who needs a Canadian visa?
Start with the COZA thriller — the sub-plot of protest and counter-protest in Abuja. A group of ladies and men faithful to the randy daddy G.O, it was reported, had hit the COZA church to protest against the anti-rape protesters. Their argument? It is profane and blasphemous to drag the body of Krest…oh no, of Christ in the in petty and muddy allegation of rape. But while the Lord was busy attending celestial matters, the earthly foot soldiers had deemed it fit to come in defence of His anointed. ‘It is not the body of Christ we are dragging in the mud, it is a serial rapist we have come to drag to the prison,’ the other camp protested. Matter laid to rest.
It’s not rape… it’s consented rape
She dares to let her plus-size double D boobs jiggle freely like a pendulum, knowing full well how much you can’t resist boobs. Even if she doesn’t know about your lust for the mammary glands, it doesn’t matter. What matters is she dares come into your apartment looking hotter than Kylie Jenner and Kim K. put together, making your soldier salute her. She dares combine red and white — odindi valentine colours. My friend, the experts said I should tell you that, if you forcefully have penetrative sexual activity with her, there and then, while she’s trying to quickly reply her WhatsApp texts, it’s called consented rape.
Nigerians shocked as new study shows pastors aren’t really that different
The report launched in Abuja, on Saturday, by the Commonsensically Objective Scientists’ Association (COSA) has however been received with great suspicion by Nigerians. It has also generated heated controversy, with some accusing the researchers, many of whom are agnostics, of being biased against the house of God.
A traveller’s guide to enjoying Ekiti State; Nigeria’s yahoo yahoo capital.
“we do rituals a lot in this place, but they’ll ask you to donate yourself, before they use you, we don’t really force people to use them”. Local man reveals.
Senator Omo-Agege may have stolen INEC server, sources say
“Only this man has the skills and resources to pull off such a heist,” an official of the electoral commission told our correspondent on Saturday. “Don’t be surprised if the INEC server is found under a pedestrian bridge like the mace was, or maybe put up for sale as fairly used at the Computer Village in Lagos.”
How to be a student of the University of Ibadan
Hey, are you an intending student of Nigeria’s premier university? Or you’re already a student of the school? This is for you. Maybe you don’t know — or you know…
How to celebrate Democracy Day
If you hold a position in government like being the President or the Governor, then know that you should give a speech on your hopes, plans, and aspiration for the country. Nigerians are waiting to see your face at a convention, parade, or something. Make sure you show up on TV and say something headline-worthy.
If Nigerians adopted Buhari’s odd approach to assets declaration…
In the news: President Buhari submits assets declaration forms President Muhammadu Buhari has, in compliance with the constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, submitted his assets declaration forms to…
Dear newly sworn-in government officials …
After four years, you’ll be left with our doses of curses and prayers. We’ll forget the roads you built. The two-room block of classrooms you commissioned, the borehole you drilled with a manual pump. But we’ll never forget how the economy went down and how we battled recession. How the megawatts of electricity never increased. How you canvassed our votes by promising us our rights and how you never did more than wear agbada and pass bills about increasing your salaries. And yes! We will not forget how you raise your two fingers and shout democracy o!
Competence insists on remaining in exile as Buhari begins second term
Sources at the state house, who we admit were not very sober at the time, told the T.A. Report that someone called Loyalty has occupied the office previously used by Competence since May 2015. There are indications this office will be converted into a full-fledged agency in the coming months.
Tokunbo cars petition UN, lament ‘cruelty’ in Nigeria
Mr Volkswagen Jetta, the network’s public relations officer, lamented that it is only in Nigeria you find seven people sitting in a place clearly meant for two.
“One large buttock or two will now be dragging our gearshifts with the driver,” he said. “And, for our minibus-members, those ones called conductors even have one leg in the vehicle and one outside because of lack of space. Let us not even go into how one car is forced to carry loads meant for a lorry.”
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