By: Awósùsì Olúwábùkúnmí
You may be wondering how many days it will take people to recognize you like Albert Einstein — chill man. I am providing you with a guide that will help you be easily recognized as a genius in Nigerian universities.
1. Do not keep your clothes smart to your body: You see, ironing clothes, starching them or putting necessary gators on your shirts/trousers are time wasters and, trust me, you wouldn’t want to waste your precious time on things that wouldn’t showcase the level of your erudition.
2. Do not have many friends: You came to this world alone; you don’t need to network. Remember, the beginning of socializing is the barrier to wisdom. You can’t afford to become so popular; such a state will only impede the time to study from morning till another morning.
3. Do not get social: This may look like the second piece of advice but it is different. As a genius, being familiar with the latest songs or fashion is the quickest way to divert your attention from getting a Nobel prize. You don’t want to care about that.
4. Ask questions even if you know the answers: You know you know the answer, but would it not be good if you made others see you as a god? As a Nigerian genius, you must ask questions that will push your lecturers off balance. This way, you will be the choicest in the eyes of the professor.
5. Read in obvious places: You don’t need to hide in places such as the Library or other unknown spots. Carry big books and read on roads, read while students are rushing, read in the eatery, churches, mosques, even a herbalist’s shrine. That way, the gods of the land will see how serious you are and grant you more wisdom.
6. Make sure to submit your answer sheets early: Don’t ever wait for the warning before you submit. Always submit before the warning. You don’t want to look cheap or even embarrassed with the invigilator’s “pens up!” Submit thirty minutes into the exam and even if you don’t know anything – the lecturers already knew your name, they will understand that you didn’t want to sit with others waiting, and you submitted early not because you didn’t know the answers.
7. This is the premium rule – Don’t believe in God: Believing is for the docile minds. You are Einstein! You can’t be putting your mind to such frivolities as God… You are a God. Believing in that is Jejune mehnn..
8. Use big words in your sentences: This particular rule has been working since ’05 days. You don’t want to sound cheap like other students. Make sure you slot strange-sounding words into your sentences. Hon. Patrick does not have two heads; make sure you give them the political crinkum-crankum, higi haga and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious of the English vocab.
9. Don’t post memes: It will be silly and jobless of you to post memes on social media. Be brutal, create twenty-five slides of politics in America and the Netherlands. Write in Latin and Hebrew, you don’t want to afford others the opportunity to know what you know. If not, what will make you special?
10. You’ve heard that the best part of the soup is at the base. This tenth recommendation will help you to be easily recognized as a Genius – – keep your hair. You don’t need to get a cut. It is a total waste of time. Allow it to be bushy, let it fill up your head. Sitting in a barbershop is a waste of time, you can use those precious minutes to read more books.
This guide is made up of ten points that will easily get you recognized as a genius; I know you are nodding in affirmation — oh yes! I did a great job.
Awósùsì Olúwábùkúnmí is a country boy. Google search me, you might find some results. Twitter handle: @AwosusiBukunmi