By: Aniebiet Effiong
To the gad who kills all our enemies for us and keeps our loved ones, we thank You. You know we don’t care if they have loved ones. We thank you for always killing them by fire and thunder even when they don’t die. We thank you for not letting our enemies catch us when we take what does not belong to us. For if we were caught they’d have called us thieves. Since they never caught us, we are not thieves. We are innocent.
I have been a beneficiary of this good governance since inception (2015) even as 88 percent of us — the maimed, the dead, hungry, hopeless — have been. This is why I wake up every morning to sing and praise for the light that came in form of a government — for how we made the best choice. I know of many, both old and young, who are singing this glorious songs on earth and in the grave.
I thank you for washing away every stain of corruption from our beloved nation. I am exceedingly glad. I thank you for our revered President. Our saviour and redeemer. I call him the Nigerian Messiah. He came and everything changed for good. Thank you for the peace we have enjoyed since he assumed power. He has really proven himself to be a wonderful father. We are blessed!
No politician with two or three bank accounts. It’s a new decree. Every politician must own one bank account which must be closely monitored by the President himself to avoid any form of siphoning that would later dent the godly image of the government. This is to say, the tenures of politicians owning up to 50 bank accounts with different names and billions of naira and dollars are over. The stories of awarded contracts siphoned is now of the past. These can only happen in an era of one who bears Mr. Integrity as a honorary name.
Posterity may not forgive me if I fail to include how our President had trained his battalion into capturing all Boko Haram members, seizing their ammunition and putting those who thought the FG was behind the recent bombings by the terrorist group into shame.
When he became the President (which of course was your will), with the army blood in him, he came with a Pastor as the vice. This is exactly the story of Pharaoh and Joseph. It takes the spirit, integrity, good conscience and wisdom to govern Nigeria, leading the country out of chaos and famine. We’ve experienced nothing less. We see how other nations are coming to us for food.
When zombies from outer space came shooting at our peaceful protesters at the Lekki toll gate, our Vice President who is a fearless pastor, a prayer warrior and a spiritual combatant, came interceding and intervening for us (spiritually and physically). That was how the zombies fled. We can never have a pastor as a vice president and live in fear.
The other day, a certain First Lady from a certain state, out of her benevolence, tender and compassionate heart had to move into streets and villages to share to every woman ten bags of sachet water. An empowerment scheme that got women of other places envious. A rare gesture. What other First Ladies couldn’t do for their women. We know how important this gesture means to the beneficiaries. They shall ever live to remember this act of kindness. An act that kept women alive. Water is life. Whether the women use the water commercially or at home for drinking, the First Lady of that state has given them life. This is the best empowerment. One of the campaign promises, redeemed. God bless her. Amen!
I thank you for the recovered loots the evil government of the past had looted trying to tie our belly down. It was never our portion to suffer. We shall never suffer! We are now living on it. Example is Abacha’s. We are grateful for touching our President’s heart into sharing the money equally to every Nigerian citizen. I thank you for making us the world’s leading example. This clearly signifies that you’re here with us. When the world tried to tag us corrupt, you stepped in and showed them how holy we are. You’ve always been there for us. I wouldn’t forget how you have changed our story of unemployment through our god-fearing leaders. Thank you, gad!
We thank you for always (through your mouthpiece) asking 20 people to run to the altar with their 1000 naira note to obtain their blessings. Even though we end up having more than 20 people. Even though you later reduce it to 500 naira and 200. Thank you for always alerting us to run to the altar on time lest the bank of blessings runs dry.
Having thanked you for all you’ve done for us, I beg for your unalloyed forgiveness. Forgive us for the days we spent blaming and accusing our innocent government for the things they never did — like money laundering and embezzlement, like nepotism, like bribery, like killings, like police extortion. On our knees we plead for our ignorance. It was those paid journalists we followed. They deceived us into thinking our government is the worst of all. It was also caused by hunger. But now I have come to know that man shall not live by bread alone. Therefore, I have vowed to live by every promise made by our politicians.
I sincerely solicit your forgiveness. We know we aren’t worthy to be called your sons. If there is anyone worthy to be called your sons, it is the Nigerian Police, for it is written: “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called your children.” May we make heaven with them.
May you visit anyone who’ll summon the courage to challenge the government or a spiritual leader on what he does whether good or bad. Bless those who’ll vulnerably speak well of the government. After all, freedom of speech was meant for appraisals and not criticism.
Lastly, please grant me the access and opportunity to travel abroad so I can preach of the wonders of Nigeria to our people in the diaspora and even to the whites. This is my earnest prayer. Amen! I want to leave.
Asides being Aniebiet Effiong, loving Poetry, Pepsi, Adaugo, Afang soup, and watching Messi, sometimes all I need is a good satire to keep me going. Social media handles: Facebook — Aniebiet Effiong; Twitter — @aniebieteffion8; WhatsApp — 08024032005