Prize for Satire

Ubuntu; I am because you are! 

God dey hear, one very commendable lifestyle in Nigeria is being your neighbours’ keeper and relatives’ caregivers. It doesn’t matter if it sits well with you, you have to religiously look out for those who are fortunate enough to know you. The beauty of this is that, when Nigeria happens to you — as it is certain it would — you get a return of your gesture in multiple folds. Beyond this, however, is the Ubuntu philosophy of life in Nigeria.

Prize for Satire

Becoming a Nigerian parent 

The first rule on how to be a good parent in Nigeria is to marry as many men/women as possible in noble poverty. No one will question you. You don’t even need to cut your clothing according to your size. Your minimum wage monthly salary will rise, like ‘garri ijebu’, as you forcefully bring the innocent children to this earth to enjoy the ever-flourishing life in Nigeria with you.

Prize for Satire

Dear misogynists (and the closet ones too) 

It is so unfair that there is an advocacy for the equality of both genders—particularly the female gender—in all areas of life. Why should women who have long been given the highest honour of being in charge of certain important matters pertaining to the kitchen and childbearing suddenly want more from life? How dare they demand the right to be seen and treated as equals? Such an ungrateful lot!

Prize for Satire

The committee 

“Clearly, you gentlemen representing your districts on this issue are full of impassioned grit and steely determination. I can see all of us are ready to truly solve this err…..err…..thing. Very commendable. Although I would love nothing more but to listen to you all, our one hour is however almost up. If there is no other issue err… Shall we adjourn?”

Prize for Satire

How to be a Nigerian parent 

Now that you are a parent, discard every pet name you called your spouse before the arrival of your first child. How can you be calling your husband by his first name after you have made him a father? Do you want people to question the paternity of the child? Daddy Bola would be better.