‘I love my country I no go lie’
A country blessed and filled with milk and honey, a paradise for its citizens, a resort for those in need of luxury, and the greatest country in the world, with no sense of doubt. Well-meaning individuals from all walks of life, who are desirous of living a comfortable life, all seek to make my country their place of abode.
Satire 404: Navigating the Twitterverse
Post stuff like “I’m new here. Show me around” or “Twitter do your thing” to gain new followers. Share your handle on influencers’ posts. Join ‘follow trains’. Have a crazily-weird crafted bio on your profile. Buy followers if you must. The veracity of your opinions and the credibility of your personality are now measured by the number of followers you have on Twitter.
Why rapists aren’t so bad
A lot has been going on lately on social media; everywhere has been tense. A girl was raped in a church and almost everyone got angry and started making absurd comments. Anger is a very valid emotion to feel, but the thing about anger is it removes one’s ability to think and make valid decisions. There is another perspective to this rape thing people aren’t looking at.
In defence of Sai Baba
For a 77-year-old man who had risked his life to partake in three major military coups; led the country as Head of State; ditched the khaki for the civilian garb; ran for Presidency three consecutive times before his triumph at the fourth attempt, this is undeserving. It is undeniable that the tall and suave Sai Baba is truly committed to Nigeria’s development. Come on, he could have retired to stay home and play with his grandkids but he didn’t, because of his undying love for the country.
Doctors, think out of the box!
Another breeze of discord has blown and unveiled a new contour in the rear-view of the medico-presidential chicken. News has it that a novel war of bickering has occurred between the ever-demanding resident doctors, and our very responsible, sensible, and admirable government.
Becoming a campus journalist in Nigeria: A satirical guide
Like the strong-willed patriotic Nigerian that you are, you do not want to lose out on all. You look for ways to impact on campus and thicken your skillset and your professional experience. You have got to thicken your CV for recruiters and employers who require a five-year experience for the job you hope to apply for as a fresh graduate. Trust me, I come with the perfect panacea: be a campus journalist and shoot into limelight.
‘We cannot go back to camp now’: Union of Covid-19 Corps Members writes NYSC
A group of youth corps members, under the aegis of the Union of Covid-19 Corps Members (UCCM), have called on the NYSC to shelve plans to have members return to…
May Nigeria not happen to you
The bullion vans that entered a private bank on Bourdillon Street, your anti-graft agency is yet to probe. Your House of Assembly speaker has about 64 bank accounts, he is yet to be duly prosecuted too. But if the police find more than three ATM cards in your wallet, you are declared a yahoo boy and your trial starts immediately.
Happy 21st birthday, Democracy
Speaking of institutional nonsense, you remember how one of the first things you established was a reformed Nigeria? Ha! Good old days. A Nigeria with a doomed legislative building, sorry domed building called the National Assembly where family reunion is held every now and then between former khaki boys, holders of umbrellas, holders of circled stars (which today is a luxurious broom), and other distant cousins.