Punocracy

… where sa-tyres never go flat

Guest writer

From Our AlliesSociety

Alert! GWR, Nigerians are plotting to fill up your book of records.

by Guest writer

Even our prominent president reportedly set the pace in sign-a-thon. Apparently, to prove a point, Mr President hit the ground running by signing four bills in two weeks! The president deserves an accolade and a certificate of excellence as, perhaps, the first number one citizen to achieve this feat. Though a critic ridiculed the achievement by saying the bills are low-hanging fruits, I think it is deserving of a medal from no less than the GWR headquarters.

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From Our AlliesSociety

Understanding the fuckening, and how to survive in four easy steps

by Guest writer

In this country, you are never short of bad days. Live here long enough and you’ll realise that you don’t even have to do anything to catch a bad day. It will fall on you like the Money and Banana that Davido promised Chioma. Take it from someone who’s had an immeasurable number of bad days. I’ve seen enough to write a book on it. But what we’re not going to do is sit and mope over bad days, no. We don pass that. What I will be showing you is how to survive one or a couple of bad days.

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From Our AlliesSociety

The story of Masaka’s two electricity supply lines

by Guest writer

Phase Eleven is generous to a fault like politicians during campaigns itchy for the people’s votes. The staff rarely harass or trouble its consumers for light bills and it is certain that there would be electricity during festive periods. Periodically, they supply ‘apology light’, which is to say they leave the electricity on for hours and hours until we begin to grumble.

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From Our AlliesSocietyUnsolicited advice

5 guys you should never fall for as a smart Nigerian university chic

by Guest writer

Is it not just food? Is there anything wrong with giving food to someone you like and care about? My dear sisi ekos, there’s nothing wrong o, ko si wahala kan kan. All I’m saying is that to an Alajeun, you aren’t just being nice and caring to the boy you like. You’re his meal ticket, he is very much aware of whatever games he is playing with you. He is only in contact because you are his food bank, your contact is probably saved as “Priscilla Bukka,” “Ada Food,”  “Zainab Canteen,” or maybe even “Olori Jeun Je Je.”

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From Our AlliesSociety

Nigeria and the 50 shades of shege

by Guest writer

Shege Pro Max is the baba nla of them all. The shege of all sheges. The leveller. The respecter of no man. This is when you’re in it and of it. At this point, ko si owo. Even the upper class are not exempted. Shege Pro Max is when you go from begging for urgent ₦‎10k to begging for urgent ₦‎1k to go to work because even the ₦‎1k is as scarce as live broiler chicken on Christmas day.

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From Our AlliesSports

Chelsea’s ungratefulness and why Potter should take legal acton

by Guest writer

I won’t lie, this development doesn’t sit well with me, and I am as angry as a wet hen. I will advise Potter to take legal action against the board and the fans. He needs to reclaim his mandate and cleanse his credibility from those ingrates. If he were a Nigerian, Barrister Wike of Rivers State could effortlessly help him; it is his forte. Ordinary putting a call through would restore his mandate.

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