By: Joemario Umana
“Why you come dey do like woman”
— A Nigerian anthem for boys, men seen like girls, women
They carry earthen pots in front of them
without their hands, as if contained with
enough food to feed five thousand,
another Jesus miracle
And if there is anything like mouth race,
they will always be in first place
O! how I love them like Nigerians love Nigeria,
like politicians wey fit kill to sidon seat
When it comes to them, I feel like
parrots and bees are insulted
And those deserve massive apologies
for being objects of synonyms
But una wicked o
Una bin no yarn me sey
man fit be woman
—hmm, nawa o!
Because my skin soft like bread
na woman I be
Because my face shine like shoe shine
na woman I be
Because my voice be like bird’s
na woman I be
Because God loved me so much,
and made my legs one of the
twenty-six letters
na woman I be
Because my chin don see erosion
and grass no wan grow dia
na woman I be
Because water don comot for my eye
na woman I be
Congratulations o!
World number one dictionaries!
Henceforth, I will start wearing bra
and pee while squatting.
Glossary
- Nawa: a Nigerian Pidgin word of exclamation/lamentation
- Dey: can mean several things and of usage in this poem includes
- Wey: a Nigerian Pidgin word for “that”
- Sidon: a Nigerian Pidgin word for “sit” or “sit on”
- Una: a Nigerian Pidgin word for “you”
- “Una bin no yarn me sey man fit be woman”: you didn’t tell me that a man can be a woman
- Stanza 5 is a blend of English and Nigerian Pidgin language
Joemario Umana is a Nigerian creative writer and a performance poet, whose poems are available and forthcoming in the anthology publication of NSPP 2022, Loch Raven Review and Nairaland. His works have drawn literary appreciation to themselves. He is currently pursuing a bachelor’s degree at the University of Maiduguri, Borno State. He tweets @Jo_marioumana.
