By: Chuks .Chinyere(jj)


Ahh, Thursday was not a small day in this country o. I was just getting calls left, right, center from my friends all over about some young Nigerians who have decided to scatter this small country we are kuku managing. We all know that Nigeria is a far cry of country, that’s not news. But why will some delinquents whose parents have failed to train well, decide that it’s time to end everything? O wrong now.

The first person that called me was Officer Obi o, all the way from Owerri. “Ahh officer obi kilon sup,” I picked up my phone with enthusiasm to hear from my old friend. That’s how this man started vibrating o.

“Can you imagine such rubbish? Just look at small small lif lafs, people I have their mates at home still telling me ‘thank you daddy’ after dinner, talking to me anyhow? They came out o, say they are doing #EndSARS protests. Didn’t they know that public physical protests are a crime in this country? They are only allowed to protest on Twitter, and there is how you will talk too much on Twitter sef, DSS will cali you. Or they didn’t hear what happened to Umu El Zalzaky?

“The worst part is, they were all looking like all these yahoo yahoo boys, in this hard nation, person will be carrying handset of four hundred taaaaaaazeen, if it’s not yahoo yahoo how can they buy dah kain phone?”

“My brother…” he continues. “I came out to tell them to be going to their house o, that front of this my oga office is not where they can come to be making plenty nonsense noise. Could you believe it, these children said they are not going anywhere o. At least if they couldn’t respect my uniform, they were supposed to respect my age na, I senior all of them there, if it was when we were young… well.

“The thing vex me so I brought out my bazooka, I cock it one, e did not cock, I cock it two, then I remembered that there was no bullet inside; it’s God that save them that day. But lemme not lie, even if I had bullets inside, I wouldn’t have killed anyone, this country is too hard for people to die, if one person die naw, who will they give their problems, everybody should stay alive and carry their cross biko.”

“Officer Obi, lemme advise you eh, next time do you know what you’ll do? See eh, hello… hello, are you there? Ohh, he’s credit has finished.”

I am tired, why will everyone be so angry in one day. Even celebrities that have money are protesting, what are they complaining about? At least they have money to buy fuel if NEPA no give them light, it’s not like SARS can stop to harass Runtown or Falz, or P-Square; is 2020 not bad enough? Just imagine people doing public protests.

Wait o, Speaker of the Lagos State House of Assembly is calling me.

“Ahhh, baba mi Obasa Basa, the only man EFCC can chase but cannot catch, Jagaban’s houseboy, it’s not easy baba mi. How are you, sir?”

“Ehhhhh, what is that your name again, see listen, today is not the day, today is the wrongest day to come back to my house — sorry, the State House of Assembly — after a gruesome day of negotiations with the members of the EFCC over proceeds of a business deal, only to find jobless and useless children at my door trying to start a camp fire. This is wrong naw. Has house rent in Lagos become so expensive? Don’t they have parents? I told the policemen to dismantle their tents and take away their chairs, yet they won’t go; they want to wait hiyyaa till morning so that other jobless lazy ones like them can come and join them to protest for what? #EndSARS?

“If you’re not an armed robber why will you be afraid of SARS, I have lived in Lagos for over 30 years and SARS has not harassed me one day, why will they be moving around with big big phones as young as they are; where did they get the money? Anyway, I’m going out to speak to them, because I need some sleep; we have final negotiations with EFCC scheduled for tomorrow and we need to get that over with so that I can focus on Baba’s 2023 campaign. Ehhh, meanwhile help me contact omo Naira Marley yen, he was supposed to ‘contwol the crowd’, he needs to explain why all these Marlians are all over the place protesting #EndSARS.”

So I picked up the phone and rang Naira Marley ASAP like rwoky. “Ehh-lowe, Marley Naira above the line, ma4.”

“Bro, I thought you called of the protests after your discussions with the Police, why are your Marlians all over the place?”

“Marlians don’t follow instructions,” he replied and ended the call. Apparently, he was busier with his Insta-story.

Nigerian youths are lazy they said; too lazy to stand and fight, take what is theirs. Well, see us now, we are in every city, in every state, being peaceful and violent, giving them the gbas and gbos, light and heavyweight.

We are taking matters into our own hands, because a failed state will be ours to bear, years after the oldies are not here.

I saw Runi; I heard Marcaroni; posterity will know you. I saw you, I heard you, fighting for your children born and unborn. Posterity will never forget you.

EndSARS is only an opportunity to #EndImpunity, #DontStop.

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