The Village People's Dictionary

The VP’s Dictionary: Activist, constituted authority, corruption, and 22 other words 

Collins Dictionary, for instance, defines a road as “a long piece of hard ground which is built between two places so that people can drive or ride easily from one place to the other”. That’s correct you know—but only as long as you don’t import that understanding to Nigeria. Things are much different here… So different we’d need the entire dictionary rewritten to suit our realities. Here, a road would be more appropriately defined as “a warzone where potholes are mines, shock absorbers are shields, curses are bullets—and from which every soldier returns home a casualty”.

From Our Allies

One Lagos, many troubles 

Hope it didn’t move your office from CMS to V.I? If you don’t know, please confirm before you head out to work. In these times, we have to sympathise with Lagos people. One governor was removed because he didn’t carry people along in line with the master’s masterplan. Thank God, flood will carry everyone along now. Or should we say Lagosians got what they deserve? –— a man of the people.

The T.A. Report

Tokunbo cars petition UN, lament ‘cruelty’ in Nigeria 

Mr Volkswagen Jetta, the network’s public relations officer, lamented that it is only in Nigeria you find seven people sitting in a place clearly meant for two.

“One large buttock or two will now be dragging our gearshifts with the driver,” he said. “And, for our minibus-members, those ones called conductors even have one leg in the vehicle and one outside because of lack of space. Let us not even go into how one car is forced to carry loads meant for a lorry.”