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One Lagos, many troubles

One Lagos, many troubles

By: Francis Olamide

Lagosians, I hail thee!

How was last week’s rain?

Hope it didn’t move your office from CMS to V.I? If you don’t know, please confirm before you head out to work. In these times, we have to sympathise with Lagos people. One governor was removed because he didn’t carry people along in line with the master’s masterplan. Thank God, flood will carry everyone along now. Or should we say Lagosians got what they deserve? –— a man of the people. 

Let’s even say the truth. It’s obvious our governor is working. It’s not from my mouth you will hear that since our hardworking governor celebrated 100 days in office, he has been on flight mode — sorry, snooze mode (or just choose any of the two). The very solid achievement since 100 days in office is that omo daddy ni Bourdillon and his deputy have been able to arrest a few traffic offenders, especially those passing one-way. 

Today, we hear Lagos is broke. Another day, we hear we cannot repair roads because it’s rainy season. Let’s just be praying that this rainy season doesn’t continue this way for four years… lest there will be no repair or construction of our roads. The job of fixing Lagos, a state with the fifth largest economy in Africa, isn’t an easy one.

Dear Lagosians, your agitation shouldn’t be that you have not yet begun to enjoy the dividends of democracy. The 45 minutes you previously used to spend from Agege to Oshodi has reduced to three hours, and that’s even the shortest. One time, I escorted my friend who was travelling to Ibadan to catch a bus at Berger. Interestingly, he got to Ibadan before I got to my house at V.I. Before now, a book keeps me company as I travel around Lagos. Now, the journey is usually so smooth that there is surplus traffic congestion and heavy headache to ensure you enjoy your book. 

“Daddy let’s open our waterways and improve the rail system.” They said, “Shut up. Go brush your teeth. Your mouth is smelling, you know nothing about governance.” Well, maybe our amiable governor should be locked in a cage at a national museum so that people can come and be looking at what good governance looks like.     

As you go out this week, better abandon your designer shoes and use rain boots. Igboro Eko tii daaru o. Also, add three hours to your journey in case flood has moved your office from Mainland to Island. Marina ti di marine. Don’t forget to pray as we wait upon the dry season to soothe our pain — according to Mr Governor. Woh, if we start this Lagos matter, we no go finish.  

Lakotan, the above is a work of fiction: any resemblance to anyone, any place, anything — dead or alive — is a coincidence. We will not be unfortunate.

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