You must curl your legs together in feminine modesty while sitting, and bow your head while talking to your husband.

To focus on being a good executive, the first thing you have to do is destroy your manifesto or delete all copies of it. You won’t be needing it. It didn’t help you win the election and it won’t be a yardstick in determining your success.

If you like be a graduate, if you’re not highly qualified for a job, you’ll remain at home. This government is not ready for any form of unprofessionalism. Ask those who took the examinations for teaching work. Most of them scored high but weren’t employed. Why?! They weren’t professional enough to be interviewed. Things like this cannot be known by flesh.

One may ask why I do not write satires about Akwa Ibom state. You may wonder if my avoidance to do so is for my safety. It’s simple. I don’t do so because Akwa Ibom is a perfect state. Perfect in all ways.

What is friendship without a cordial relationship and a mutual feeling of love between both parties? Ever since the Nigeria Police Force was established in 1930, they have been the best friends of every Nigerian. Just like an apple a day keeps the doctor away, seeing a police officer sends the fright away.

Brethren, divorces are on the high rise in this House. Husbands now show their strength by beating their wives to demonstrate their superiority. This is against the order of the world. Look at Delilah who used her wisdom to conquer the strength of Samson. We should not incur the wrath of the daughters of Eve. We should dedicate our to the Lord’s work by fulfilling their wishes in servitude. Amen?

It is a well-known fact that your creative business is the most lucrative — from how you think of the best ways to hold people without their consent to how you demand that their people pay outrageous amounts of money. What a genius you are.

I have come to force myself to believe that after God, you should be the next person to be worshipped. If truly you hacked Zuckerberg’s services, he himself should make sure he finds you and implore you to manage a very important role at Facebook.

In life, things begin to make sense when you put it in perspective. As a child, you must have heard and read a lot of stories about Nigeria, stories from third parties, stories from biased people, cooked up stories from the pit of hell. So here’s Nigeria, giving you a chance to hear about her, from her.