… where sa-tyres never go flat
… where sa-tyres never go flat
On behalf of every Nigerian, we want to say thank you to our Daddy and Mummy—UK and US—on whose shoulder we will always stand until we’re old enough to be truly independent. It’s not that we’re that reckless to get out acts together, we are just being subservient to our father and mother. Only a bastard child will not heed to his parents’ instructions. Nigeria will never be one.
I’m well too, just that I’ve been ruminating over what you said the last time we talked: “I’m on WikiHow reading an article on straight-acting.” I vowed not to reply until I found you some help. To make this happen, I had to examine the trail of ash you’re leaving behind for people to see, and browsing your Facebook profile and your Medium articles on self-discovery, the bells started to ring: “This boy is CLEARLY gay! This boy is clearly GAY!”
Get married: Let no one deceive you, if you plan to remain single for a long time or even forever, then you must be ready to entertain snide remarks and different shades of marginalization all through your days. As long as you live in these climes. It really doesn’t matter if you make history as the first female rocket scientist to ever come out of the country.
Today marks my 25th wedding anniversary. Twenty-five years that I have lived with my man. This longevity I celebrate today only came as a result of my unflinching assertiveness. From my reservoir of experience, I will be sharing a few lessons with you. Lessons that if you adopt, ladies, your marriage will be just as lengthy—if not lengthier— and merry.
Our students are the golden eggs. Although, they still have to dress in those tightly fitted uniforms. They still have to read (or pretend to read), and be secondary school students just this last time. They still have mathematics to write on Monday. “Nothing to worry about, the good Lord works in mysterious ways.”
Celebrities remain the special breed of humans many others would give an arm to be like. It’s not hard to reckon why: They never seem to lack the panache, looks, beautiful clothes, exotic items of vanity, and of course, the privilege that comes with being a known face.
The idea of sitting out a topic one has little knowledge of should never resonate with you. You see, social media conversations are unlike other types. You’re likely going to be chiming in your viewpoint amid tens of others who may or may not know quite a few things about the hot topic.
We gained independence in 1960 from the British, but we’re about to be recolonised by the Chinese. It’s only a matter of time before we’ll all become Nigeria-born Chinese because of the unquenchable love of our hardworking leaders for Chinese loans. After squandering what benevolence has brought to our domain, they resort to borrowing.
Start the process with your fellow policy makers in the ministry. You have to be crafty and be proactive to stand your opinion here, the meeting is where you prove your expertise in decision-making for the masses. Remember, what Elnathan John taught about lateness to meeting, don’t forget that; it’s a necessity.
Professional comedians should start watching their backs. I pray that the extinction of that industry isn’t imminent. A new class of comedians is emerging with great comic capacity more than anything we’ve ever seen. They don’t require anything to launch their profession other than a public office or an opportunity to serve the people. The only due they pay to remain in the industry is required every four years.
