Day 1:

Family informs Nigerian Embassy that Nigerian is kidnapped. Embassy promises to work with local authorities.

Day 12:

Embassy hasn’t done anything so family comes on Twitter to tweet that Nigerian is missing and embassy isn’t helping.

Day 13:

Abike Dabiri, after 3,000 retweets and finding out that kidnapped Nigerian is Igbo: “There are laws against moving about in that country at night. UCHE should have known better.”

Atiku: I sympathize with the family of Uche and urge authorities to intervene.

JagBros: The Kidnapped UCHE may even be a yahoo boy or drug dealer hiding from police.

Tolu Ogunlessi: (Medium Article) Nigeria cannot be held responsible for its citizens safety abroad.

Dr Joe: I won’t make any comment until I confirm that truly the Nigerian was kidnapped.

Day 14 and 15:

Nigerians: Buhari please intervene and send help.

Buhari: Aired. Dfkm.

Nigeria Police: Nobody was kidnapped.

Twitter Influencer: Here is a go fund me link for Uche’s ransom. Please donate.

Day 17:

Nigeria Police: We have confirmed that someone was kidnapped but we are investigating whether he’s a Nigerian.

Kelvin Odanz: Just got confirmation from a trusted source that the Nigerian Army will not be leading a rescue operation for Uche.

Day 17 (continued):

Nigerian Army Twitter: (Screenshot of Kelvin Odanz tweet with red ink) FAKE NEWS.

Day 18:

Nigerian Army Twitter: We will not be leading a rescue operation for Uche due to diplomatic constraints.

Day 32:

Buhari: I sympathize with Uche’s family. Nigerian Youths should take advantage of N-Power and farming instead of migrating abroad.

Ahmed Lawan: Buhari spoke like a true father of the nation.

Day 54:

Uche is rescued by the host country’s efforts.

Atiku: Congratulations to Uche. We thank God for his safety.

APC handle: Uche’s rescue was sanctioned by Buhari.

Other Twitter influencers: What will happen to the go fund me money now that Uche has been rescued?

Wahala for Nigerian wey dem kidnap abroad.


This satire was originally published as a thread on Twitter.

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