Day 1:
Family informs Nigerian Embassy that Nigerian is kidnapped. Embassy promises to work with local authorities.
Day 12:
Embassy hasn’t done anything so family comes on Twitter to tweet that Nigerian is missing and embassy isn’t helping.
Day 13:
Abike Dabiri, after 3,000 retweets and finding out that kidnapped Nigerian is Igbo: “There are laws against moving about in that country at night. UCHE should have known better.”
Atiku: I sympathize with the family of Uche and urge authorities to intervene.
JagBros: The Kidnapped UCHE may even be a yahoo boy or drug dealer hiding from police.
Tolu Ogunlessi: (Medium Article) Nigeria cannot be held responsible for its citizens safety abroad.
Dr Joe: I won’t make any comment until I confirm that truly the Nigerian was kidnapped.
Day 14 and 15:
Nigerians: Buhari please intervene and send help.
Buhari: Aired. Dfkm.
Nigeria Police: Nobody was kidnapped.
Twitter Influencer: Here is a go fund me link for Uche’s ransom. Please donate.
Day 17:
Nigeria Police: We have confirmed that someone was kidnapped but we are investigating whether he’s a Nigerian.
Kelvin Odanz: Just got confirmation from a trusted source that the Nigerian Army will not be leading a rescue operation for Uche.
Day 17 (continued):
Nigerian Army Twitter: (Screenshot of Kelvin Odanz tweet with red ink) FAKE NEWS.
Day 18:
Nigerian Army Twitter: We will not be leading a rescue operation for Uche due to diplomatic constraints.
Day 32:
Buhari: I sympathize with Uche’s family. Nigerian Youths should take advantage of N-Power and farming instead of migrating abroad.
Ahmed Lawan: Buhari spoke like a true father of the nation.
Day 54:
Uche is rescued by the host country’s efforts.
Atiku: Congratulations to Uche. We thank God for his safety.
APC handle: Uche’s rescue was sanctioned by Buhari.
Other Twitter influencers: What will happen to the go fund me money now that Uche has been rescued?
Wahala for Nigerian wey dem kidnap abroad.
This satire was originally published as a thread on Twitter.
