By: Machiavelli Miga
Our dearest Mini Star cum secret agent has released a special diary of events leading up to his finding of a secret video recorder in the now infamous Lekki Toll Gate.
No minister has said anything concerning the alleged massacre or is it the nefarious activities that happened in Lekki toll gate. Why should I be the first? I heard a Wikipedia page was even dedicated to the alleged people that died, these youths are truly jobless. By the way, the president said nothing about it in his speech the other day, why should I be the first? And his speech was so perfect, I mean that was absolutely the right time to let Nigerians acknowledge the success of Trader Monie and all other monies. They should be happy we did not siphon these schemes and look how they pay us back, with protests! Ungrateful lots!
On second thought, I’m a current Mini Star and former governor of the state where the sad event happened. I’m supposed to at least lend a voice. But no, I’ll follow the president’s body language and align accordingly.
Rabiu my CSO wakes me up. “Things are getting out of hand, oga mi. The looting, pillaging, and rioting has continued unabated in Lagos. I think it’s high time you did something o. Good morning Sir.” My chef knocks and hands me breakfast on bed. I turn and look at Rabiu. A full-fledged Hausa man that was born and bred in Lagos. He can barely speak Hausa but his Yoruba is thicker than some governor’s babariga; if I don’t tell you, you Kano know.
Rabiu is rarely wrong. I have to listen to him. “Okay, make the necessary arrangements, we’re going to Lekki.”
“All correct Sir, I will inform the advice team outrightly. Will you be using your private jet or helicopter, sir?”
I replied the latter. I’ll want Nigerians to know I also feel their pains and not be caught in a PJ. I will have even preferred using the road but for time constraints. These are the things Nigerians don’t know we pass through for them, yet we get insulted daily for earning a few millions that’s never enough.
I arrive Lekki. With the advance team, we proceed to the toll gate alongside the state governor’s small convoy of 22 cars. On arrival by 1:14PM, I do a random observation of the facilities. Naturally my instincts kick in; I should put on hand gloves. But the camera and media people might misinterpret it that I have ulterior motives. My nose mask already raised a few eyebrows. I simply put my hands behind my back and go on a thorough inspection of the Lekki toll gate. Instructions have since been given to journos that I dare not be asked anything about whatever occurred here on October 20, 2020. It’s not like I was here either to ascertain what happened.
I look up and my eyes pick something. On a closer look it was a camcorder neatly hidden between the metal structures in the toll gate. I need no forensic agent to tell me this was a custom-made James Bond genus video recorder. It can withstand heat, fires, sun, and rain for days while recording non-stop and still come out looking fresh. I saw the same replica while I was training with MI6 back in the 90s in UK.
It’s easy to miss out on this, especially for the untrained eye. It was made using camouflage technology. On the surface it looks like any other metal but on a closer look, it’s actually a video recorder. This is after all why it’s called VTS 419 Camcorder Chameleon. How did it even get here? Do the Britons already know? Hmmm.
Rabiu finally noticed it too and proceeded as overzealous as ever to help me remove it but I barked him off. Using an handkerchief, I carefully removed it and placed it for all to see. What Rabiu doesn’t know is that the camcorder is also designed to capture and conceal fingerprints. Most Nigerians don’t know we have advanced fingerprints technology here in the country and the details of the source of the database are a bit sketchy at the moment.
Glad that I have done my bit to fast track whatever occurrences reportedly happened in the toll gate. I handed the tape to the states C.S.O. and hopefully it can help in explaining whatever fiasco occurred between civilians and the military in Lekki. I do hope that my being trolled on Twitter is just the usual TwitterNG banter and my cover has not been blown.
Feature image credit: Cityscapes Magazine.
Machiavelli is a pun star, budding author, academic researcher, and freelance writer. He can be reached on 09025922941 for available literary gigs.
100% life changing sarcasm!