… where sa-tyres never go flat

From Our Allies

How to gossip about the good government of Nigeria

How to gossip about the good government of Nigeria

By: John Chizoba Vincent

Every Governor in Nigeria is a Messiah from heaven. Nigerian leaders are such great people we need to pray for whenever we wake up from bed. Like the Lagos State Governor, he has been a wonderful father to all Lagosians. He left Lagos to Abuja to see Mr President to settle the protesting youths so that they could leave the Tollgate. Lagos has already lost lots of money while the protest was going on and the state needs money to take care of those people living in it and those visitors coming into the state every day.

Likewise Ikpeazu, he has been a supportive father too to Abians. Haven’t you seen how beautiful Abia state looks right now? From Ohanku road to Ngwa road and Port Harcourt road, have you not seen the roads? He has made everything beautiful in his own way. Yahayah, Wike and many others who are the governors of their respective state are the most hard-working people I have ever seen on earth. We are blessed to have them all as spiritual fathers. 

Interestingly, as a citizen living in Lagos or Nigeria, you don’t need to worry much about your well-being, the government has taken care of that and while gossiping about the generosity of Lagos state government sitting on a round table with your friends and bottles of Jameson or Heineken or Hero placed on the table either in Quillox or Rumours hotel, remember every dog belongs to the government and they could tell their bosses how patriotic you are as a Lagosian or a Nigerian.

You must lower your voice while talking to your friends, sip your drink a little, then tell them how the Lagos state government has made you feel like a happy Nigerian or like a little child whose mother just got him Christmas shoes and clothes. Then, your friends would clap their hands jokingly and laugh loudly at your statement. Later, they would put their hands on their waists and look at you again passionately and laugh because they know that intelligence is a culture limited to no one tribe. Any thinking man would know that the Lagos state government has always been there for her citizens from the beginning of time. This is why she is called Lagos, a home for all luxuries and bling hustlers.

There is no need to be afraid of being a Nigerian. Everything is designed to make you a perfect man, not to kill you. From commerce to education and entertainment and security agencies. Nigerians now enjoy 24/7 power supply and good roads and water. School children of all levels now have breakfast before going to school courtesy of the federal government. Interestingly, the government of the federal republic of Nigeria has been the pillar of strength to the masses. No single citizen has the right to gossip about them in a bad manner.

Whenever you see men seated in a bar, they are gossiping about how good this country has been to them from time immemorial. They are gossiping about how everywhere and everything in Nigeria is secured and protected. You can walk to any Nigerian police in the street when in trouble and he would lay down his life to protect you. Police is our friend, isn’t what we were told? And the government is the people, so why are you afraid of armed robbers when the police force is strong enough to protect and secure your life?

The government has provided many weapons that would make their work easier and better. The only thing to be afraid of is yourself. You can betray yourself anytime and these policemen won’t know how to keep you safe whenever you betray yourself. You see, the Nigerian government in their faithfulness has provided everything you need as a Nigerian citizen and you are expected to be patriotic when necessary and defend your country at all levels. You must speak well of the country to a foreigner whenever you come across one in your locale or online. Isn’t this place paradise enough for you to live after all?

Besides, don’t forget that those people clamouring that the Special Anti Robbery Squad (SARS) should be disbanded are those who are involved in cyberspace crime, 419 and many other things that damage the image of Nigeria and this is the reason why the president has not come to the national television to address the people. He knows what he is doing. How could an ordinary Nigerian wear a designer clothes like Gucci, Fendi, Versace and others while the president isn’t wearing one? Why should an ordinary Nigerian ride a Benz while the President is constructing a road that private jet would ride on? He doesn’t need Benz on Nigerian roads. I hope you know that. How could an ordinary Nigerian lock his hair when the President and the Governors are on low cut? It doesn’t make sense! How could a common citizen pierce his ears, tint his hair when the President hasn’t done that as our first father or the first citizen?

Perhaps, you now see why we need SARS to take charge of these boys and girls growing faster than their shadows. It is not hard to be a legend in Nigeria, all you have to do is to dress like politicians, become a governor or a senator or even the president himself and learn how to raise your one hand up occasionally while trying to greet people in public or rather in a public gathering. 

This is the right way to gossip about the goodness of the Nigerian government: Learn to talk about the good roads all over the country. Then talk about the favourable petrol price and why it is necessary that the government increase the pump price. Talk about the youths that have been employed all over the country. Talk about the industries the government built. You should not forget to give wonderful details about the electricity tariff, the palliatives that were given to Nigerians during the coronavirus pandemic. Talk about the money that was given to the snake to swallow for safe keeping. Talk about how our educational system was ranked among the first in the world. These are many great ways to gossip about the good government in Nigeria.

In fact, you could talk about these things in Western Avenue in Ojuelegba, or Ozumba Mbadiwe street, Victoria Island or somewhere in Ngwa road, Port Harcourt road or Ohanku. These places have beautiful environments where you can set your tables or spread your wrapper and gossip about many of those good things that the government has provided for all Nigerians after they were elected.

Meanwhile, you should always make your voice loud and clear while gossiping about these things because when the media picks your voice, they could make you a celebrity as a patriotic Nigerian. Who knows, you could become bigger than Laycon or Wizkid for representing Nigeria? A good Nigerian should be one who sees all the good things his government has done for him and says it to others. When you keep quiet after the government has provided for you all that you need to make your life easier and beautiful, you become a bad citizen — an experiment to those people that foreigners delay at their airport because they are bad Nigerians. And bad Nigerians are bad representatives in the foreign world.

John Chizoba Vincents become the names of three people who deliberately see through each other. Sometimes, they are at war with each other and at times, they are the ties that never got broken. They: Them: Us: We represent boys and their anatomies, men and their vulnerabilities, and humans and their imperfections. Between them are rosy track roads that are rough and tough. They live in a lonely room in Lagos, Nigeria. They have been published widely online magazines and offline magazines. They are the founder of Philm Republic Pictures and Co-founder, Boys Are Not Stones Initiative; an organization that uphold the love for the BoyChild.

4 1 vote
Article Rating

Share this post

Wanna leave a reply?

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x