From Our Allies

Secrets behind Major General Buhari’s ruthlessness | Tunde Odesola 

I didn’t forget that this incorruptible major-general is for everybody and for nobody. This is why he could proudly identify with his children’s numerous foreign certificates, but not with their tuitions. This is natural; honest major-generals don’t like stains on their starched khakis. They won’t look kindly at you if you blow the kakaki when you see their long, lean hands in the hot pot of soup and the palm oil tell-tale on their bony lips. Abeg, don’t ask me where the money could have come from; manna still falls in the Katsina desert, you unbeliever!

From Our Allies

With all the condolence letters, none was sent to Mr Democracy’s family 

When we retrieved the autopsy of Democracy, we found out he was poisoned to death by tyranny. Ah! Tyranny! Tyranny that killed Democracy’s uncle, sisters and in-laws in Cameron, Zimbabwe, Tigo, Uganda and the likes. We have to ask Dr Buhari — the epitome of no-nonsense that he is — how the poison was smuggled into Democracy’s room at the hospital. There’s no way we will not investigate Dr Buhari, he must know one or many things about this issue.

The T.A. Report

Democracy files for divorce. ‘I’m leaving Nigeria for Dubai,’ she says. 

Democracy said she can no longer tolerate Nigeria’s abusive behaviour. Almost consistently, he hits her with the rattan cane of electoral malpractice, the bullwhip of press censorship, as well as the leather belts of indiscriminate arrests and illegal detentions. According to her, the injuries she sustained from the gubernatorial elections in Kogi and Bayelsa states, where both electoral materials and electoral officials went missing, nearly killed her.