Japa syndrome and the madness of staying
Many Nigerians, yourself included, have reached the conclusion that our lives can only truly begin at the airport—one hand clutching our suitcase, the other gripping our visas.
How to roll a joint: seven steps to self-destruction
To get on the journey towards societal oblivion, you need your materials ready and available. You’ll need some rolling papers, a filter tip, and the most important ingredient: your preferred substance. Now, I don’t know where to get them, but I can point you to people you can get them from. I see them rolling in the gutters (I mean, “roll a joint to roll in a gutter” doesn’t exactly sound bad); some are chained to beds in the hospital; in fact, I saw one roaming the streets fully unconscious, yet mobile. Haq!
Nigeria as a dilapidated Micra cab
Our leader–Man of the Pee Poo pulls out the car manual, but it’s written in Chinese, a language he can’t comprehend except the “one-year warranty” part. So he begins the journey with the words, “We go run am.” But not long after, a stench reaches the noses of the passengers. With concern, they suggest he hand over to Obi, a more qualified driver, as the journey is too far. However, he dismisses their worries with a nonchalant, “Just get me quality diapers.”
The ant colony—or political parables about a certain country
The worker ants are those government workers commuting between anthills of metal and glass, wearing threadbare suits and those fancy puppy leashes they call ties. They weightlift crumbs of the national cake bigger than their own financial size to pay homage to the colonial masters before ultimately falling apart, appendage by appendage, to be sustained only by the trickle of nutrients we call pension.
Where I come from, religion is a screenplay
where I come from
our mothers change prayer houses like fancy clothes
and fathers sometimes ain’t so spiritual
because it’s a woman’s duty to pray for them
They call them a praying mother or wife
This government will favour me and my family
Wole has never cared much for politics. But when Bunu ran for president, he whipped out his voice and dedicated every second of his Internet hours to support his campaign. He doesn’t know about the man’s ethics or competence, but he’s from his side of the map and his neighbour’s in-law’s cousin used to work at his company. So you never know.
The lion and the billions
Recent developments have cast doubt on the bravery of the once-feared lion. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) beckoned on the former governor to explain how ₦82 Billion was looted. In a character unexpected of a lion, he has been hiding in the woods. The Lion, who is renowned for hunting, is now being hunted. How the might has fallen!
Men of gawd
By: Ayankola Ahmed Shaykh Life is Vanity don buy Lexus Now, na Ferrari and Bugatti e dey pray for Though road rough Him […]
Government don come again
Artificial scarcity
It’s all government in action
Even if the culprits get caught
Na government cause am!
Becoming a bus conductor in Nigeria 101
Just in case you wake up and the unemployment rate has you considering options, conducteering is a rather lucrative endeavour. You might be worried about getting harassed by tax collectors (otherwise known as agberos), but this can be managed. I mean, what is small harassment that you can’t endure at maybe 50 different bus stops?