Punocracy

where sa-tyres never go flat

From Our AlliesSociety

How to roll a joint: seven steps to self-destruction

To get on the journey towards societal oblivion, you need your materials ready and available. You’ll need some rolling papers, a filter tip, and the most important ingredient: your preferred substance. Now, I don’t know where to get them, but I can point you to people you can get them from. I see them rolling in the gutters (I mean, “roll a joint to roll in a gutter” doesn’t exactly sound bad); some are chained to beds in the hospital; in fact, I saw one roaming the streets fully unconscious, yet mobile. Haq!

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From Our AlliesPolitics

Nigeria as a dilapidated Micra cab

Our leader–Man of the Pee Poo pulls out the car manual, but it’s written in Chinese, a language he can’t comprehend except the “one-year warranty” part. So he begins the journey with the words, “We go run am.” But not long after, a stench reaches the noses of the passengers. With concern, they suggest he hand over to Obi, a more qualified driver, as the journey is too far. However, he dismisses their worries with a nonchalant, “Just get me quality diapers.”

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From Our AlliesPolitics

The ant colony—or political parables about a certain country

The worker ants are those government workers commuting between anthills of metal and glass, wearing threadbare suits and those fancy puppy leashes they call ties. They weightlift crumbs of the national cake bigger than their own financial size to pay homage to the colonial masters before ultimately falling apart, appendage by appendage, to be sustained only by the trickle of nutrients we call pension.

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From Our AlliesPolitics

The lion and the billions

Recent developments have cast doubt on the bravery of the once-feared lion. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) beckoned on the former governor to explain how ₦82 Billion was looted. In a character unexpected of a lion, he has been hiding in the woods. The Lion, who is renowned for hunting, is now being hunted. How the might has fallen!

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