From Our Allies

The capabilities of the #EndSARS Promoters and their terrorists plan must really be a pain in the neck for the current CBN governor and to a large extent the federal government for him to keep meandering towards the newly proscribed #EndSARS Promoters each time questions are asked about the tracing of the funds for Boko Haram. A thing worse than Boko Haram is probably finally here and the government are getting jittery about it.

Sadly, the rate of Covid-19 infections has increased as a result of the so-called End SARS protest which was spearheaded by some internet fraudsters and hoodlums. But thank God the accounts of those who sponsored the movement have been frozen. A good one by the government! That’s a reward for protesting against good governance.

According to insider reports, the CCTV cameras suddenly stopped working at 8 pm in observance of the curfew imposed by the government. He said, “Our cameras at the Lekki toll gate have a high sense of moral duty which includes obeying the laws of the land. It is not unprecedented that the cameras refused to work on the night of the curfew. How do you truly give your all for a country if you don’t obey all her rules?”

The good people of Jos were amazing and kind people, they only took the palliatives and left the land. The state of harmony was almost disharmonised, actually the devil should be blamed. After the discovery of their own palliatives ware-house, Lucifer took the complexion of a shopping mall and other companies. He completely seduced the innocent people.

Day 12: Embassy hasn’t done anything so family comes on Twitter to tweet that Nigerian is missing and embassy isn’t helping.

Our dearest Mini Star cum secret agent has released a special diary of events leading up to his finding of a secret video recorder in the now infamous Lekki Toll Gate.

Some call them hoodlums (probably because they’re from the hood). Others see them as miscreants and thugs. There is no denying the fact that these opportunists are risking their lives, damning the consequences in the process and helping themselves to as much palliatives as possible.

The past four days have been trying times. The country has been visibly shaken by the deliberate shooting of peaceful protesters in Lekki. This calculated malevolence has brought tears to many eyes, birthed fear, and squeezed sympathy from more foreigners. Even Beyonce finally donated food, what we needed the most. A silver lining may have been the discovery of a CA-COVID warehouse and the distribution of the hoarded resources on behalf of the government.

Following years of military disgrace by Boko Haram teens, our soldiers (fondly called Zombi-o by Fela) last night restored the Army’s glory in a battle against flag-waving #EndSARS protesters who had attacked first with verses of Nigeria’s dangerous National Anthem.

Vera Nazarian once said that if you are faced with a mountain, you have several options. You can climb it and cross to the other side. You can go around it. You can dig under it. You can fly over it. You can blow it up. You can ignore it and pretend it’s not there. You can turn around and go back the way you came. Or you can stay on the mountain and make it your home. Nigeria is that wonderful mountain Vera is talking about. You are free to do whatsoever suits you here.