Punocracy

… where sa-tyres never go flat

From Our Allies

How to be a sane Nigerian

Vera Nazarian once said that if you are faced with a mountain, you have several options. You can climb it and cross to the other side. You can go around it. You can dig under it. You can fly over it. You can blow it up. You can ignore it and pretend it’s not there. You can turn around and go back the way you came. Or you can stay on the mountain and make it your home. Nigeria is that wonderful mountain Vera is talking about. You are free to do whatsoever suits you here.

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From Our Allies

How to gossip about the good government of Nigeria

Whenever you see men seated in a bar, they are gossiping about how good this country has been to them from time immemorial. They are gossiping about how everywhere and everything in Nigeria is secured and protected. You can walk to any Nigerian police in the street when in trouble and he would lay down his life to protect you. Police is our friend, isn’t what we were told?

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From Our Allies

We have your best interests in mind

My dearest friends and countrymen, words have reached me that a lot of you are planning to support a mass rally against we the politicos and Messiah of our beloved country. Haba! Is this right for us? Aren’t you aware that there are a lot of good plans we have in stock for you? Ahn Ahn! Instead of you to walk down to our offices or call our phone numbers which we always pick when it rings, you are…you are busy cooking up revolutions here and here.

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From Our Allies

Nigeria: Sixty but [not] faulty

Only an ingrate will have no justification to give thanks on behalf of our dear country. I mean, since our fiftieth anniversary in 2010, God has preserved your life and eyes to see six ASUU strikes, three NLC strikes, devaluation of the naira from 156/$, a surge in importation of talents from Nigeria to oversea, a mushrooming population of poor people, thus, making us the world’s poverty capital, a proliferated unemployment rate, a surge in mortality rates due to insecurity, a country as united as the blades of a ceiling fan, and many undeniable glories of selfish and poor leadership.

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From Our Allies

“I have never received bribe all my life” — Ameshi to sue Magun for plagiarism

From my sources close to the Honorable Minister, I can authoritatively tell you that when news broke out Wednesday that Mr. Magun uttered words during a meeting with the press on never receiving a bribe in his life, the honorable minister was left flabbergasted, utterly astonished, and vowed to fight like every struggling Nigerian out there to protect his verbal properties.

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