Tubosun Ajanaku

“Nigerians do not recognise the importance of our parties. They are saying on Twitter that we should be checking our results through JAMB scratch cards. Don’t they know that smaller parties are needed in a democracy to make things lively? Besides, how can Nigerians get the coveted title of ‘former presidential/senatorial candidate’ if there are only two parties? Don’t they know that these parties are like universities, while we are the polytechnics and colleges of education?”

The T.A. Report

Nigeria’s potholes experience calculated massacre as election season approaches

February 12, 2019February 12, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

Though the rising level of infrastructural development or seeming development is a national phenomenon, The T.A. Report gathers that Lagos State is an exception. It is reported that capital-intensive projects in the Centre of Excellence currently suffer unusual neglect as the governor, Akinwunmi Ambode, has abandoned office for a more pragmatic role of “APC campaign rally strategist and bench-warmer”.

The T.A. Report

Giant Abuja broom wins Guinness World Record for ‘stupidest campaign object’

February 10, 2019March 10, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

“We would normally expect that it takes decades before this record is broken in another political campaign. But, with the level of passionate competitiveness observable in Nigeria’s politics, we suppose anything really is possible. Giant squirrels, chickens, trees, and so on, we never can tell.”

Unseriously Serious

Why campaign rallies are the best thing after Agege bread

February 3, 2019May 25, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

There is nothing the pot-bellied politician would not do to convince the commoner that he is part of the everyday realities. He would sing all kinds of songs, speak all kinds of tongues, pray in the name of all kinds of gods, and dance, in a most awkward manner, all kinds of moves — especially the latest in town. All this time, we the people, the spectators on these days and all others, get freely entertained.

The T.A. Report

The plan was to invite Nigerian, not Nigerien, governors — aide

February 3, 2019February 3, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

The senior official, who pleaded for his identity not to be disclosed for fear of “being fed to the EFCC like Babachir for political gains”, said the official explanation that they came to understudy President Muhammadu Buhari’s style was mere damage control.

The T.A. Report

‘How would students come for our rallies if we called off ASUU strike?’ Buhari asks

February 2, 2019February 2, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

“So we urge members of ASUU to be patient with us; and also our l-l-aa- …., sorry, hardworking youth. If we still have enough money left in the treasury after the campaigns, we will definitely give priority to the schools.”

The T.A. Report

We have two and a half, not three, arms of government—Nigeria’s AGF clarifies

January 29, 2019March 10, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

“Any law that is in force has to first be reviewed and signed by the president. That’s how it works; and the National Assembly has yet to transmit this so-called 1999 Constitution. For now, Mr President is applying the set of laws he used as head of state in the 1980s, at least pending the time the lawmakers send an update,” the A.G. added.

Unseriously Serious

How not to win elections in Nigeria—for dummies

January 27, 2019May 25, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

Compressed into this short listicle is over twenty years of research conducted by experts in various fields. By Jove, losing an election has never been this easy — but please be warned that the principles presented here are not universally applicable. They have only been tested and trusted as far as politics in Nigeria is concerned, and analysts predict that they will remain valid for at least another dozen years.

The T.A. Report

In his grave, Abacha turns in envy as Buhari suspends CJN

January 26, 2019March 10, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

“My guess is that it has to do with General Buhari’s latest move, removing Walter Onnoghen as the Chief Justice of Nigeria and replacing him with Tanko. Baba would have been high on envy, considering that, with all his powers as a military head of state back then, the judiciary was still largely independent.”

The T.A. Report

Buhari ranked head of state with highest integrity following finance minister’s exit — report

September 17, 2018February 3, 2019

by Tubosun Ajanaku

President Muhammadu Buhari has overtaken Vladmir Putin of Russia and Yoweri Museveni of Uganda to become the head of state with the highest level of integrity in the world, according to a recent report.