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The T.A. Report

SHOCKING: 100 rich, talented men look on as unarmed thieves steal expensive wood

SHOCKING: 100 rich, talented men look on as unarmed thieves steal expensive wood

ABUJA (The T.A. Report) — The country was left in shock on Wednesday after a group of five unarmed men stole a very expensive wood from Red Chambers, Nigeria’s senior federal legislative house.

The wood, it was gathered, represents the house’s symbol of authority and gives it power to make laws. It was thus shocking when nearly one hundred rich, highly skilled men and women, members of the house, looked on helplessly as the wood was carted away by the common thieves. Their security guards, more than twice their number, also could not salvage the situation.

The 100 men, reports say, are one of the most well-paid government officials in the world. They have also been known to have skills in fence-jumping, kickboxing, furniture-hurling, and acrobatic dancing. In the house, in fact, is a renowned PhD holder in the Science of Commonsense. Yet, many looked on while some took to their heels during the daring operation.

It is not clear if the thugs made use of black magic to spellbind the Senators, though experts have suggested this to be the case.

While a report said the stolen wood has now been placed for sale on OLX, an online trading platform, other reports say it has been found under a flyover bridge in the Federal Capital Territory. One of the two objects, an insider at the National Assembly told The T.A. Report, must have been forged overnight.


Senator Dino Melaye, who is a retired Red Ranger, dons his old costume.


Senator Ademola Adeleke displaying his rare, energetic dance moves.


Fairly used mace on sale on OLX


Caveat: Note that this piece is a fictional satire aimed purely at humour. The words above are nothing but products of a drunk writer’s imagination. We hereby refuse to accept responsibility for the results of anyone’s credulity or mischief. Do not take us serious. We repeat; do not take us serious! … But, on second thought, maybe you should do just that.

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I am Tubosun, the first son of Ajanaku; and my forte lies in casting light upon the bottomless pits of societal ills through the pastiche of news and satire.

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